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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Accepting my LTR was abusive

7 replies

Rayya · 06/06/2022 16:31

During therapy, I have gradually realised that there have been many occasions of emotional and physical abuse during my relationship of 19 years.
We are getting a divorce now, but am struggling with feelings of shame and brokenness. I am struggling to reconcile the fun times and laughter I shared with my DH with the fact that in difficult times, he would occasionally hurt me. He works hard and adores the children, even if he struggles with his temper, but I have lost all attraction to him because of what he has put me through.
I can’t believe how many of my own boundaries I allowed him to cross because I wanted us to work so badly.
Can anyone suggest books or links that might help me work through this? I feel really broken and I can’t imagine ever being in another relationship in future.

OP posts:
Dita73 · 06/06/2022 21:31

LTR?

Dita73 · 06/06/2022 21:32

Oh it’s ok,I got it!

Rayya · 06/06/2022 22:39

Sorry, yes, Long Term Relationship

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/06/2022 22:55

Op, well done for recognising the abuse for what it was. Can I suggest the Freedom Programme as your first port of call - it's run by women's aid. You can do it online, but if you can get to a local course, do - it's great to connect with other women who have been through the same things.

The book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is also worth reading. You can access a copy by googling "why does he do that pdf"

Nouveaunew · 06/06/2022 23:05

💐I’m sorry @Rayya every moment of every day you’re getting a tiny bit stronger x

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 06/06/2022 23:28

Freedom Program?

Rayya · 07/06/2022 22:15

Thank you. I will look those up🙂

OP posts:
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