Stupid crush, bloody miserable.

[EvenPhilip]

I'm a married woman, probably not had a 'crush' since school, but have a terrible one on someone I see at work every couple of weeks.
He is very friendly and one of my customers commented that he was flirting with me when he last came in. He overheard a conversation I was having about something and the following week bought me a small gift associated with it.
Every time he walks in I get worse, I could feel my heart racing this week 🙄I'm so embarrassed even writing this.
I'm obviously not going to act on it but I'm so bloody miserable thinking about him all the time.
How long do these things last ? I'm wondering if it's some last hurrah of my peri menopausal self?

I’m not liking the sound of him — he sounds as if he’s making a very obvious play for you, someone he presumably knows is married?

I do sympathise, OP, as I’m also stones lighter from a crush on a male friend that’s lasted months — he’s single, I’m married and would not in any circumstances act in the attraction even if it were mutual. But my friend is a total sweetheart, sad about his own divorce, and entirely oblivious to my attraction —and we usually see one another with my DH and our children. Having someone write you letters and give you presents at your workplace feels like the actions of a player.

would it help to think of him as consciously manipulating you, and laughing about the silly woman with the crush down the pub with his friends?

Have you lied by omission for him to be bringing you flowers - does he know you're married? The ultimate conclusion of you having an affair is heartbreak all round. If this is a sign your marriage is floundering, do something about it. The grass is greener where you water it.

Written you letters? About what?
Not appropriate if you aren't giving him a reason. You need to shut it down

Letters? Weird.

Give in to the thoughts - and have hot lustful sex with this guy, and ruin your marriage. Does that sound good?

Actions have consequences, and ultimately you should try to play out all the scenarios in your head and assess from there.

I think you need to grow up. It's not unusual to be sexually attracted to someone else when in a committed relationship. Knowing how to deal with your own feelings is another matter. Allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by them is absolving yourself of responsibility for them.

You're in charge. You're not the victim of a crush. You are indulging in a crush.

I am so sorry about what you are going through now. Common sense doesn't work in cases like this, unfortunately. Otherwise we all could just have a word with ourselves and stop this madness.
It looks like he knows exactly what he is doing - with the flowers and letters(!!?). Does he know you are married? If he does - he's not a very nice guy.

You are creating the stress yourself, OP. Once you take responsibility for this, you'll be able to get a better handle on your feelings. Make a decision; do you want to pursue this, or do you want to stop it. If stop, then tell him. Tell him you don't want his letters. Tell him you don't want his flowers. Tell him you're married and you want him to leave you alone.

Maybe ask your husband what he thinks about all this? That'd probably throw an ice bucket on things really quickly.

He will use other hotels and have other women whom he flirts with... stop being such a push over, men like this flirt with everyone whom they can... he's an absolute pathetic excuse of a man and you're no better. Get a grip your not 16 anymore.

If you want to stay with your husband and if your relationship is decent you should because you’ll just get in a rut with the next guy anyway - Either have an affair with him and stay with your husband or don’t and stay with your husband.

Stop thinking like a schoolgirl ffs.

Letters? You're having an emotional affair now.

With a man happy to try to shag someone who is married.

Ugh. It's such a cliche OP.

Your husband doesn't deserve this treatment.

Does he know you're married? Sounds like you are both already overstepping that line, op. I'd be careful.

There's a 1 in 4 chance sex with this guy will be as crap as the sex with your partner.

He's written me letters, picked me flowers from his garden.

@EvenPhilip I assume he knows you're married (if you haven't mentioned it to him, he at least, if you wear a ring, would know from that.) If he's trying to charm a woman he knows is married, with letters and flowers, I don't think he's a good person.