Age gap too much?

[Amy191]

I'm 36 and have started chatting to a 26 year old guy on hinge. We've been chatting for a while, called and FaceTimed and he seems like a decent guy and relatively mature. We're due to go on a date next week but I can't shake the feeling that I'm probably wasting my time with a guy this age. He doesn't give off this vibe but I'm also slightly paranoid he's just in to the cougar thing and that's what he sees me as haha!

Am I overthinking it or would others be thinking the same thing? It could of course just be a fling/bit of fun which is fine, but the niggling biological clock thing is also making me wonder if I should even bother pursuing this or focus on finding someone closer to my age.

I'd go on the date and see how it goes. Nothing to stop you still chatting to others in the meantime.

Fwiw, my son is 23 and would love nothing more than to meet someone, settle down and start a family. He's a graduate, he works full time and lives alone. He isn't really interested in casual dating or playing the field. He's a lot more mature than other men his age do I wouldn't write this man off on his age alone.

We see age gap threads a lot on here and I would just say go for it , meet him , see how things go , the worst that can happen is you have a nice coffee or meal . At the end of the day same age relationships can fail . There's more to a successful relationship than the number of years old you each are.

Nothing wrong with that age gap at all. I'm 24 he's nearly 34 and been together for 6 years. No one has ever commented on the 10 year age gap. My mum and dad were nearly 20 years apart

When I was 41 I met dh 31. Been together nearly 10 years.. Married with a dc...

I would try to find out if thios is simply circumstantial, or if he filters out women his own age deliberately. If it's deliberate filtering, I would proceed with a degree of caution. Some men go for older women because a)They think those women are busy and therefore won't place many demands on them b)They're into older women because they have mummy issues and are basically looking for a substitute mother for some reason.

That's not something a lot of women want to hear, but I make no claims that any of that is 'nice', just it's that what I've noticed amongst men who have a thing for older women.

It's too soon to get into this type of deep conversation, but if things progress, try to find out what his relationship with his mother is like.

At 36 I think you need to make your expectations clear so you don't waste your time. If you want kids realistically you'll need to have them in the next 5ish years. Is that something he wants? If you're with him for two years and then he's still not ready you may miss your chance to have children.

I think it's different when the woman is the older one due to biology.

I had a dc at 43.2. Dh was 33..

Nothing wrong with enjoying a date.

The age difference is not weird at all.

It's actually not even about age, but about maturity levels. He could be more mature than you, for example.

What do you want from a relationship? Are you wanting kids, mortgage, etc. ? I think it would be a fine idea to let him know what you are looking for, so you can both know where you stand.

Not 'I want to marry you and have your children' but 'I want to get married and have children in the next five years, and this is why I am dating, not to say that will be you, but this is something I want' and ask what he wants.

Then enjoy the date whatever the answer. He wants kids in the next ten years? Great, let's have a date, or a few, a laugh, but you will continue on your search. Or, let's have this date then call it quits but nice to meet you.

He want the same things and like you a lot, and then you would go for it.

If you find it "icky" then be fair on him and own that and only have the one date.

I be would just go on the date and enjoy it and see what happens. I was 28 when I met Dh who was 21 (and still in uni 🙈) and I was really clear about where I was in life. We had our first dc 4 years later and have been very happily married for 12 years now. He’s still far more mature than I am. 😂