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Original poster

Dp sexting not sure what to do

24 replies

NicholJO · 05/06/2022 09:55

Hi will be very brief been with DP nearly 10 years have 2 DC together 8 and 3 DP uses a free chat site sexting other women we have have many a argument so I decided to turn a blind eye as in all honesty he doesn't go on there alot only when he's drunk he talks about stuff that he knows I'm not into I'm not open minded so that might be one of the problems so he had a drink a few nights ago I picked up his phone as he left it in the bathroom it was on Kik he knows I'm dead against Kik as 2 years ago we nearly seperated due to him using Kik he promised to stop and in all honesty I believe he did but he's obviously reinstalled it he was messaging a lady nothing incriminating but I'm fuming and thinking about ending the relationship need advice please

OP posts:
ItWillBeOkHonestly · 05/06/2022 10:00

He's cheating on you (if not physically then definitely emotionally) and you're no longer willing to put up with that. So you have two choices, continue to turn a blind eye to him and stay or decide you need and deserve better for yourself and leave.

ItsSnowJokes · 05/06/2022 10:02

Kick his arse out! I couldn't have turned a blind eye all the years you have, but he is being very disrespectful to you. Have higher standards and pride in yourself!

ElenaSt · 05/06/2022 10:05

He is physically present in your home and in your bed but his mind is away with other women.

Why lower yourself to accepting this revolting behaviour?

Original poster
NicholJO · 05/06/2022 10:20

Thank you yes I definitely think I need to end it i feel it's the best thing to do as he's abusing my trust he says he uses it to get free kicks as I'm not open minded to bedroom activities

OP posts:
newbiename · 05/06/2022 10:32

NicholJO · 05/06/2022 10:20

Thank you yes I definitely think I need to end it i feel it's the best thing to do as he's abusing my trust he says he uses it to get free kicks as I'm not open minded to bedroom activities

So he's blaming you ? Classic cheater.

ItsSnowJokes · 05/06/2022 10:33

NicholJO · 05/06/2022 10:20

Thank you yes I definitely think I need to end it i feel it's the best thing to do as he's abusing my trust he says he uses it to get free kicks as I'm not open minded to bedroom activities

So it's your fault? The nasty woman made me sext other women as she wouldn't do what ever I wanted to in the bedroom? What an absolute cheating, misogynistic bastard.

Original poster
NicholJO · 05/06/2022 10:49

Thank you yes stupidity I never looked at it that way him blaming me but yes he definitely is I can't really do anything today about it as it was our little boys 8th birthday yesterday and got a few activities planned for this afternoon plus I don't argue in front of the children so will have to wait until Tuesday as DC will be at school and nursery

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 05/06/2022 11:07

Use the next week to get everything in order.

You say he is DP so no divorce to sort, but I assume a shared house, mortgage, bank accounts, joint bills?

GrazingSheep · 05/06/2022 11:09

Are you working? What’s your housing situation?

AmandaHoldensLips · 05/06/2022 11:18

Blaming you for his disgusting behaviour. Sounds like a real prince.

Original poster
NicholJO · 05/06/2022 11:21

No house is in my name I'm a sahm no sheared bank account all bills in my name so it's just a case of telling him it's over the problem is I know he has no wear to go the council wouldn't be able to help him as they are pushed to the limit

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2022 11:26

the problem is I know he has no wear to go

That's his problem, not yours. It's shocking how long you have tolerated this cheating shitbag of a man. Kick him out.

Original poster
NicholJO · 05/06/2022 11:33

Thank you I think after having a crap childhood then meeting my ex partner who I was with for 17 miserable years and having 5 children with him all grown up now only have 2 at home that are DP,s not ex partners my self-esteem is rock bottom plus I have no friends at all due to ex being controlling

OP posts:
layladomino · 05/06/2022 14:47

Where he goes isn't your problem. He's a grown man and can look after himself. And if he wanted to stay living with you then he shouldn't have lied, gas-lit and cheated should? He is 100% responsible for the breakdown in your relationship and 100% responsible for finding himself somewhere to live.

He's lied to you. He's cheated. He's blaming you for his cheating. He sounds vile and you will be so much better off without him. Please stay strong and keep talking on here if it helps. You deserve better than this sorry specimen.

wellhelloitsme · 05/06/2022 15:10

If he's that bothered you won't do what he wants in the bedroom (I'm assuming it's anal / bdsm) and he can't live without those things being in his life then he should man the fuck up and end your relationship.

Not stay in the relationship but emotionally cheat on you (probably would do so physically if given the opportunity) and indulge his sexual fantasies by making you feel shit, breaking his vows and then blaming you for it!

Please end it. Be the one to do it. Taking control of the situation will be a great confidence boost for you in the long run.

Flowers
Original poster
NicholJO · 05/06/2022 16:00

Yes it's to do with anal his fantasy is to watch another man f##k me he likes talking dirty I'm just not interested in that I'm probably really boring in the bedroom department but that's just how I am in some ways I understand how boring I must be but I'm 41 I have 5 grown up children 6 grandchildren and 2 little ones

OP posts:
Itstimetoquit · 05/06/2022 16:20

Get rid he sounds awful x

Ponderingwindow · 05/06/2022 16:22

It is not your responsibility to bow to his every sexual whim. Do not let him try to blame you for not being “open minded”. A healthy sex life respects the boundaries of both partners.

every time he tries to shift the blame to you, you need to shut him down hard. This is about respect for you and trust. It has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual preferences.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/06/2022 16:22

That’s not boring. It’s what we used to call ‘normal’. Probably what a vast number of people still call normal, and pleasant.

and even if not liking your partner to want to watch you having sex with another man was the most extraordinary preference in the world, it wouldn’t matter. Because sex is about mutual desires and pleasures, not being abused and exploited.

He can find somewhere else to fantasise, your house is not the place

wellhelloitsme · 05/06/2022 20:24

NicholJO · 05/06/2022 16:00

Yes it's to do with anal his fantasy is to watch another man f##k me he likes talking dirty I'm just not interested in that I'm probably really boring in the bedroom department but that's just how I am in some ways I understand how boring I must be but I'm 41 I have 5 grown up children 6 grandchildren and 2 little ones

I knew it would be anal.

This is a man who would be happy for you to do something sexual that you don't want to do, that would cause you pain and that would make you fearful of him. This is a man who would like to watch another man having sex with you despite the fact he knows you wouldn't be doing so happily. He would prefer you to do those things without really wanting to, rather than for him having to go without them.

This isn't what good men are like. Good men can't imagine wanting to have sex with someone in a way that they aren't comfortable with with.

Please do not waste any more years of your life with such a horrible man.

Avastmehearties · 05/06/2022 21:19

Let this delightful fellow go. You've been more than open minded letting him talk about bum sex online and he has ignored your boundaries and gone further using Kik. It troubles me that you're blaming yourself saying that you must be boring in bed. Bollocks. He just wants more and more. Do your lovely self and your self esteem a favour and get rid. Not your problem where he goes. He's an adult.

ChairP0se9to5 · 05/06/2022 21:22

Kick him out.

Blowthemandown · 05/12/2022 09:08

Avastmehearties · 05/06/2022 21:19

Let this delightful fellow go. You've been more than open minded letting him talk about bum sex online and he has ignored your boundaries and gone further using Kik. It troubles me that you're blaming yourself saying that you must be boring in bed. Bollocks. He just wants more and more. Do your lovely self and your self esteem a favour and get rid. Not your problem where he goes. He's an adult.

@NicholJO exactly this, except replace the last word ‘adult’ with ‘*rse’

DosCervezas · 05/12/2022 09:37

He needs to go find himself a woman who is up for all his depravities ( no doubt a result of years of obsession with online porn and chat rooms?) who is quite happy to be subjected to his demands and subversion. Im sure he's a real catch and should have no trouble at all finding his perfect partner.

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