Online Dating

[ZigZagZen]

I'm a psychotherapist working self employed. I will be divorced soon. Is it possible for me to go on dating sites without putting my picture up? I don't want current or potential clients to see me on there.

Are there dating sites out there for people who want more privacy?

I feel like it would be so unlikely to meet someone in RL due to the limit on my time due to child care.

@ZigZagZen
personally when I was OLD I didn’t respond to photo-less people, especially since most of the men who contacted me commented on my looks so it seemed rich they had no photo up.

you could pick one of the paid subscription ones - others might know better than me. I tried PoF, Tinder & Bumble but now I’m not on any of them & they are all quite visible to anyone else on the site.

Although you certainly can not upload photos, it would massively disadvantage you matching with people.

Let's be honest, looks are fairly important to some degree so people aren't going to match with someone who won't put a pic up. They'll presume the worst!

It also gives me shady vibes. I'd like to know who I was talking too.

You could use pictures that don't show your face or scribble out your face so they can get some idea of what you look like but I think people would find it weird/off putting

Why not try one of the "proper" sites such as elite singles?

I know several people who've had great success. It's expensive but much more discreet.

It is also just as unlikely that you'll meet someone on OLD, it is just a way to meet people but not necessarily any more successful than meeting in real life.

"Are there dating sites out there for people who want more privacy?" Not that I'm aware of, definitely not the free sites.

You can certainly join dating sites with no photo, but you will have to message a person first, explain why no photo and then share your photo only with the person you are messaging if you like them.

Research shows that we tend to go for partners with similar looks to us (prettiness/ handsomeness). Beauty and the beast being an outlier and not the norm. If we go for someone outside our league then there is the risk their head will be turned by someone within their league, so best not to go there and stay in our own lane as it were.

This being the case it is best to at least show a picture of yourself otherwise the assumption will be that looks are not your strong point.

@Luckydip1 men also stop appreciating what they've already got, I've been with men less attractive and they still look, perhaps in their own league 😂

I had similar anxieties and paid for a month on Bumble - they have an incognito mode if you pay so that only people you swipe right on can see your profile. Also on Bumble only the women can message first. This gave me an acceptable level of control over the situation

I didn't know that about bumble and I'll look into elite singles...even though I don't like the name! Thanks everyone

This is the answer, you can get to know someone a little then share a photo when you are ready. Not everyone wants to share they are online dating and for some profession's it's hard, good luck

dont do that…guess who I saw on match several years ago no photo the serial killer Wayne Coutzen pleaseeeee stay safe from rapists/perverts post a photo

Man here.
Don’t join any free sites, you will only find married men and men up the pervy end of the scale!
“Elite sites”? I don’t know what that means, other than sites which charge you much more than the others. At the end of the day it’s a numbers game, and you have to do all the work yourself.
I’ve had plenty of OLD experience over the years, and in your position wouldn’t consider not posting a photo.
Profiles without photos get very little attention -what ever we may say, looks are important (I don’t mean just attractive/ugly) and a photo gives an impression.
I used to scroll past any profiles without photos. That said I was once contacted by a woman without a photo and she was so engaging I responded to her message. It turned out she was high profile (medical consultant and had been stalked by patients in the past) and when she explained that and released private photos I was OK with her explanation. We went on to have an 18 month relationship. I assume she always had to make the running though, initiating first contact. I would certainly not have contacted her first. You might not like do that, it removes what would otherwise be a 50/50 starting point.
I once dated a child psychotherapist, and she had her photo up!

I joined Bumble for that reason -yes you have to pay to be incognito, but you then approach men rather than the reverse.

If there was no photo I would always ignore the profile and think it was a scammer., you would certainly have to be the person sending our messages/ making the 1st move, you could try Bumble, but again I think most ppl would swipe left as the photo is the first thing ppl see so would probably not get many matches