I've been done, again

[DriftGames]

Some of you may recognise the username. DH walked out on me and DD April 2021. Awful marriage, he was a cheat, messy break up, I was a mess.

Over the last year I've worked on myself, I'm in a place where I'm happy and I've been dating a lovely guy for around 3 months. All seemed perfect.

Today I received a message from another woman, with proof, she's pregnant with his baby and they slept together only 2 days ago.

What's wrong with me? Do I give up? Get the dildos out and forget about men?

I feel like fucking shit. Safe so say I've blocked the new guy, I'm now a one strike and you're out kinda woman, but I feel at absolute rock bottom. No point to this post, just needed a rant I suppose.

How weird how did she know your details to message you? What did he say about it?

I think that April 2021 is still so very recent. Anything that was very painful in April 2021 is still going to be very much a factor in how you process new hurts.

Steer clear of men for at least a year. Put yourself first.

I might be slow at this but the work i needed to do on myself after i left abusive x, i hadnt even figured out exactly what that was one year after i left. I know yr situation is different but one year is nothing.

I sent him the screenshot of her message, he admitted it all. He said he was 'winding things down with her' but then the pregnancy came up so he was 'dealing with that'. She's sent me screenshots of their messages, him saying he wants a relationship he's falling for her etc. All the same things he's told me.

It's been 14 months, so yes not a massive amount of time but things felt good with this guy. That'll teach me

It's not you, it's him. You had a lucky escape. Lick your wounds, dry your eyes and count yourself lucky you're not linked to him forever now like the other woman is.

Onwards and upwards

Ah that’s shit OP. You can’t really take on the blame for someone else’s failings though. It’s not a reflection of you how someone else conducts their life.
There are plenty of men out there who are just normal decent human beings. But there’s also a lot of human garbage too. Sometimes they appear to be decent and end up a total dick - it happens. It’s upsetting and bewildering but it’s just one of those things.

Dont let someone else’s shitty behaviour stop you enjoying your dating life though, have some time to lick your wounds and invest time in things which make you happy and feel good then when you’re ready you can dip your toe in again.

Thanks @dancemom & @Googlecanthelpme

Just makes you feel like shit doesn't it? He genuinely seemed so lovely. Not a single red flag and had the other woman not found me on social media (he didn't have her on his friends/follow list but did have me so I'd comment on his posts etc - hence how she found me as it wasn't private) I'd have carried on thinking he was Prince Charming.

Unfortunately all the stuff our mothers told us was true! Most guys are after one thing. They're so damn selfish- after sex and or housekeepers and or childcare.
Don't seem to be after a life partner. Damn glad I'm out of it.

A lot of men cheat. As long as their getting what they want they don’t care.

I think the problem OP is you're obviously still very much affected by the hurt your DH caused you too (understandably), hence the title of your OP.

I don't think it has to be all or nothing i.e. giving up on relationships forever, but I do think that a little over a year is no time at all to get over the breakdown of a marriage, let alone to be in another serious relationship already, that's now ended.

Maybe focus on prioritising your DC and your own emotional wellbeing for the foreseeable future and if/when the right person comes along, take it slow and make sure you're in a good place yourself emotionally before getting involved.

I’m sorry op, that’s shit. But, he is solely responsible for his behaviour, it’s nothing to do with you. I think in time you will come to view this as a lucky escape. He isn’t worth your time and, however much he lies to other people and himself, deep down he knows he’s pond scum. Imagine having to look in the mirror and know that about yourself?? Hold your head high op, chin up, shoulders back and onwards xxxx

@GiltEdges I wouldn't say it was 'serious' but I was happy with him, and it could have been serious. I'm hurt, obviously, but I'll get over it for sure.

Of course I'm not really giving up on men, and I know there are some less shit ones around, but we've all been there. When it's fresh you just can't see past the cloud hanging over your head for a while.

I've got plenty to keep me going, DD of course, and we're going away next weekend with our best friend and her DD of the same age so that'll keep me on my toes.

Was meant to be spending the day with the now ex today as it's DD's day to be at her dads (once a fortnight, his choice) but now I've no plans and it's bloody chucking it down. Suggestions to cheer me up ladies??

@Buildingthefuture thank you - he says he knows how awful he's been and to be honest, although I'd never wish bad upon anyone, I'm kind of hopeful he does look in the mirror knowing what he's done.

I'm no diamond, there are much better women out there than me, but I'm okay, I'll do anything for the people I love so it's certainly his loss.

Just date OP. When you’re ready to, if you want to. I was with my ex for almost 2 decades and the things I found out… It’s hard to trust after that and tbh many of the men I’ve met since have cheated on their partners (you find that out after a few dates). So I dated for the fun of going out, getting dressed up, having a nice meal or drink, sex (!). Nothing serious. It helped I had three young kids so no one I met would be meeting my children, I would never let someone else in to their lives like that. It meant I could keep things at a distance. And that worked really well for me. Gives you a chance to know what you need for yourself.

I completely agree with this