My partner is a serial liar

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I struggled to title this post as im having relationship problems and the lying might just only be a small part of it.

Me and my partner were just watching TV and he was typing away on his phone. I asked what he was up to and he said 'nothing' which I thought was kind of weird. He said 'im just texting my friend. Can I have some privacy?' the reason this is odd is because on the rare occasion when I do ask he doesn't mind, and if I'm on my phone, I'll usually just tell him. It's not so much a trust thing as a sharing what's going on thing.

After I asked a bit more, he then admitted he was lying and was in fact selling some old hi fi equipment. I asked why he lied and he said 'i just wanted to get it done'

Is this really weird?? Why lie? He ended up saying sorry but this is another trouble - he always bypasses a discussion by just saying sorry. Nothing is ever sorted because he lets me voice my problem and then just goes 'yeah you're right, I'm sorry.' I think this isn't necessarily a bad method of dealing with small disagreements but when it comes to the bigger stuff it never gets to the root of the issue.

He let it slip recently that he gets annoyed about how little free time he has. I have less sociable working hours than he does and this has meant that I sometimes get some hours on my own when our DS is in nursery. I explained that while I use this time to do food shopping, buying clothes for our DS, cooking and cleaning, I understand that it's perhaps not fallen so nicely for him. I have started getting up with DS every weekend we're both off and insisting my partner does whatever he likes - have a lie in, go out whatever. Usually he ends up joining us half an hour after me and DS have got up.

I'm really trying my best but today I'm feeling so unhappy. What would you do?

If it were me, he's be an 'xp'. For me there's nothing that mitigates lying.

I have started getting up with DS every weekend we're both off and insisting my partner does whatever he likes - have a lie in, go out whatever.

Why are you doing this?
Genuinely - why? Do you think it will make him stop moaning & lying?

100% this.

Cannot abide liars.

Don't want to be near them.

One lie and I just lose trust completely.

You never know where you are or what you are with a liar because in any situation they will lie to suit themselves.

It's no way to live IMO.

Unless you saw proof he was selling the equipment I'd assume that too was a lie and he was texting someone inappropriately and when it seemed like you might ask who the friend was he panicked.

You can't have a happy life with a liar. You just can't.

I have a partner who often stands over me and asks 'what are you doing' when I'm on my phone and I HATE it. He usually asks me that with a vibe that he is annoyed I'm on it, and it just feels like an invasion of privacy, or that I'm going to be judged for something if he might consider it time wasting. If I'm chatting to a friend/relative or doing some admin I will tell him. But if I'm replying to a Mumsnet post or commenting on a Facebook group or something it's distracting to try to explain what I'm replying to, but also feels like an invasion of privacy. I have definitely in the past been guilty of saying I'm listing things for sale on Vinted when I've just been posting on advice forums, even if maybe I was offering helpful advice to someone on a disability group for eg. Because selling things is productive and won't be frowned upon by him. I'd hazard a guess it is the same for your partner. Fwiw, I never ask my partner what he is doing on his phone, I think it's rude.

If you are reduced to changing your normal & acceptable behaviour, or lying about perfectly legitimate & reasonable actions, in order to avoid criticism or wrath from your partner - you are in an abusive relationship.

Why are you with a man who "frowns on" you, & whose frowning makes you feel so bad that you lie about whatever causes him to frown?

Why lie?

Maybe because he did just want some privacy and didn’t want to have to answer further questions like ‘What hifi? Why are you selling it? How much for?’ Etc.

My ex used to ask me what I was doing when I was on my phone/laptop and often there was a hint of suspicion or irritation in his voice. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to just have a bit of time for myself without being questioned about what I was doing. Your partner has already ‘let slip’ that he’s upset by how little free time he has.

He ended up saying sorry but this is another trouble - he always bypasses a discussion by just saying sorry.

It seems like he can’t do anything right.

You come across as a bit controlling. I think you’re going to push him away if you continue like this, especially if you start accusing him of having an affair.

Also, you say he is a serial liar but I can only see one lie mentioned in your post. What else does he lie about?

I knew my partner had had a bit of a falling out with a friend recently and wondered if it might be him. His answer just seemed off and it turned out he was lying. After a bit more talking, he uncovered a lie, then another and then another.

I don't often ask what he's doing. He just seemed to be typing a lot which is unusual.

As for being pushy, im going out of my way to give him time to do what he wants and simply trying to solve our problems through talking. Just saying sorry alone doesn't help.