Anyone tried an intimacy councillor?

[worthashot]

DH and I have been married ten years, together much longer. After being in the verge of divorce over a year ago we went to Relate, which really turned things around.

She has since suggested an intimacy councillor to try and resurrect our sex life. We both want to do this, but we are absolutely starting from a position of no interest in actually having sex. We have been really happy with the general marriage counselling so we do have faith, but we are also a bit weirded out by the whole thing.

Can anyone tell me about their experiences? I've posted in relationships - I don't need the specific details!

TIA

Do both of you have no interest in sex? Just wondering if so, why are you bothering if you both happy where you are now.

It’s good the other counselling helped you get to a happier place.

Sex means a lot if different things to different people - hence "intimacy" counsellor. So when you say you have no interest in sex, you might want to be clear what you would ideally like to have. What's missing from your connection and interactions?

On the surface your question seems a little odd/concerning because if you're both happy not having sex, then that's actually a great situation!

On the surface your question seems a little odd/concerning because if you're both happy not having sex, then that's actually a great situation!

It’s better than one person wanting it and the other not, but I doubt many people would think a relationship where neither of you want sex is great.

OP I’m about to start work with an intimacy counsellor, I’m recently separated but one of the problems for us was a lack of intimacy. I know I have some issues to work on in that department so am going to see someone on my own. It does feel a bit weird, I mean this stuff should come naturally right? I’ve met and spoke with the person I’m going to work with and we’ve agreed some boundaries on what the work will entail so I feel quite comfortable with what’s planned.

When talking about an intimacy counsellor, do you know what the relate person had in mind. There are therapists who do talking therapy around sex, some who do body work, some who do sex coaching all the way through to sex surrogates. What kind of help do you think you might need? Is this something you want to address?

How Long have you been without intimacy? I too wonder why you want to go through this (it is difficult speaking from experience) when you imply both of you are happy with the current situation. Is it sex that you want to achieve or just generally feeling more close and intimate in general (cuddles etc)

It’s better than one person wanting it and the other not, but I doubt many people would think a relationship where neither of you want sex is great.

OP says neither of them actually have an interest in having sex but want to resurrect their sex life. There's nothing wrong with both partners being happy with where they're at and not feeling like they should have sex to make the relationship better. It's not my personal preference for a relationship, but I know that for some it's actually perfect! And intimacy can be in many forms, without "sex" - however that's defined in these situations. So before OP and her DP start this, it might be worth focussing on on whether they really do want to have sex of not - with no worries about judgement about the outcome.

And this may be exactly something that an intimacy coach can help with too!

Sorry, been caught up in the weekend. Thanks for coming back all.

We did have a good sex life but we struggled to conceive and having young kids also killed all the spontaneity off. Then our marital problems just made being sexually intimate with each other seem harder to get back to.

We do want to start having sex again, but getting back into it seems awkward. I think that's what we are looking for, help to start moving in the right direction.