Husband unsupportive

[Queenoftheknownuniverse]

So for the last month or so there's been a small group of adults congregating at the children's park across from our house drinking from mid afternoon to midnight-ish.

Several people had expressed concern over one of the men in particular, as there seemed to be children around him frequently (he has none and does not know these children). I subsequently submitted a report online to the police regards the antisocial behaviour. An officer came to speak to me and took further details, at which point I mentioned this man in particular and the officer told me he was known to them.

So it has continued, and one of the men has become friendly with a woman who lives nearby, and she has started joining them to drink beer in the park. Last night they all left to presumably go home at 23.45, and I noticed that she had 2 small children with her. I passed comment to my husband this morning that it makes me feel uncomfortable seeing her drag her children out til late to sit drinking in the park. He got quite defensive and dismissive and implied there's nothing I can do about it so I said I'd find out where she lives and report it. He then became quite argumentative and said they wouldn't do anything about it anyway and loads of people take their kids to other peoples houses to sit drinking. I said that is also not right, and even if the authorities do nothing or decide there's no risk to the children, I wouldn't feel right just turning a blind eye to it.

He got a bit moody over it and I asked him why he can't just be supportive sometimes, and that I really regretted even trying to speak to him about it as I just felt attacked which is what normally happens so I should have known better.

I tried to talk to him and he blanked me. I will admit that I then also said that he always does this, whenever I talk about something I'm interested in he just glazes over or looks bored.

He's roundly ignored me now for the past few hours, and has taken himself off to bed. I honestly don't see that I've done anything wrong so I'm loathe to offer an olive branch. I've tried to make conversation and been stonewalled, and frankly think if he wants to waste his day moping about then that's up to him. But I'm not prepared to tolerate these moods.

Did he criticise you for wanting to report it, or was he just not actively supportive?

By that I mean, you are doing what you believe to be right. He doesn't have to agree. He doesn't have to support you as such. He can be neutral on the subject. He can even disagree with what you're doing, so long as he is respectful about it. (that works both ways of course).

Being critical is another matter. If he's regularly dismissive of things you think are important, or of your feelings, then that's a bad sign.

As a couple you don't always have to agree. One of you can feel strongly about something that the other isn't too bothered about. I can get quite excited about things that my DH doesn't see as a big issue and vice versa. However we don't criticise each other's views or sulk or shout because we disagree.

Thank you for replying to me.

I don't expect or want him to agree with my every thought. But its often as though he's trying to make me feel a bit stupid for caring about things, if that makes sense.

I reported a different neighbour during lockdown to social services. We were sat out in the garden and heard him repeatedly and violently hitting his child, to the extent that our dog was cowering.

My husband threw that in my face and said it made no difference as nothing happened to him. But it wasn't about him, it was about the child. Just like this isn't about the adults, it's about how inappropriate it is for the children.

It's been 7 hours now and he still hasn't spoken to me. I think I'm going to ask him to go and stay at his parents tonight (they're local but are away) because I don't think its fair.