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Original poster

Dating (not interested) How to?

10 replies

muchofamuchnessme · 04/06/2022 10:57

Started dating again. I'm looking for something but want to go about it casually.

I'm trying to be open minded but also realise I know what I like so probably need to go with that.

If you meet someone, have a nice time, maybe end up kissing e.t.c but you know that in the long run this isn't for you.

How do you say basically..... I'm not interested in a nice way. If somebody turned around to me and said im not for them. Yeah I'd be disappointed but I'd just be 'Ok'

I'm happy to casually see a person I'm not interested in long term, and I am honest about that when I get that feeling, but how do you say, basically I'm probably with you until something better comes along.

Do you say nothing and lead them on, should you be honest so they can decide for themselves or do you just not even go there and end immediately?

OP posts:
Mount2Climb · 04/06/2022 17:37

Would you not simply say from the very outset (in your profile if that is online or if you met face to face you say this at or before the first date if you're sure you're not interested, that you're just looking for a casual relationship and that you are not exclusive?

WomanHere · 04/06/2022 18:46

Sounds like you need to tell him that you are dating other people, he can obviously do the same. Don’t think you need to spell out that you are waiting for someone better, be upfront but not rude!

Pinkbonbon · 04/06/2022 22:46

I wouldn't exactly say that i was looking for casual to a guy because it often means something else to them than it does to us.

We mean usually that a few dates and a bit of company....maybe a fwb sorta deal ect..would be nice. They however tend to just think 'yay, sex on tap'.

I'd say 'Im not sure that I have that space in my life available for a relationship right now. But I'm always looking to add good people to my life in various capacities. Why don't we take some time and see if we clicks and if so, we can discuss what works for us moving forwards'.

EBearhug · 04/06/2022 22:57

I haven't had any conversations about being exclusive. I don't think they can expect it after one date. If they asked, I'd be honest,but they don't all make it past a first date. I have had one man say he's looking for a serious relationship, and I said, it might be what he wants, but until you’ve met someone, you can't knowwhether it will be this person, because I've met guys I got on brilliantly with online, and in person, just no chemistry. And even if there is chemistry, they can still turn out to be a prick after you get to know them better. I imagine if I did really click with someone, I'd happily rearrange parts of my life to fit them in, but no one's managed that yet.

Pinkbonbon · 04/06/2022 23:04

Oh absolutely don't be afraid to say 'there no way to know what I want from someone until I know them well. It will depend on the person and how we get on, over time'.

You could pretty much just say that to anyone because the fact is, you may not be specifically looking for a relationship right now but you don't know how you'll feel as you get to know someone.

So maybe it's worthwhile not saying anything about what you are looking for other than 'let's play it by ear' until u get to know them better.

Original poster
muchofamuchnessme · 05/06/2022 15:34

I think for me it's how do you let someone down after you meet. I find that hard. You can tell a little online but you need to meet and then you pretty much know. It's not like I can ask them to do a video and give me a twirl Confused

OP posts:
EBearhug · 05/06/2022 21:38

You could pretty much just say that to anyone because the fact is, you may not be specifically looking for a relationship right now but you don't know how you'll feel as you get to know someone.

I find it's a lot of pressure when someone says they're looking for a long term relationship. There are so many expectations with that. I mean, nice if it does end up that way, but it's like setting out on a marathon when you only took your first step walking yesterday.

anotherdisaster · 05/06/2022 22:56

I find it really hard letting someone down. I had to do this recently when he was genuinely lovely but I just did not feel it at all when we met. Best way is to be up front and honest as soon as possible. They may be disappointed but remember, worst case scenario is they feel a little sad for a day or two.

EBearhug · 06/06/2022 10:53

anotherdisaster · 05/06/2022 22:56

I find it really hard letting someone down. I had to do this recently when he was genuinely lovely but I just did not feel it at all when we met. Best way is to be up front and honest as soon as possible. They may be disappointed but remember, worst case scenario is they feel a little sad for a day or two.

It would be letting them down more if you carried on letting them think you were really into them.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 06/06/2022 12:55

muchofamuchnessme · 05/06/2022 15:34

I think for me it's how do you let someone down after you meet. I find that hard. You can tell a little online but you need to meet and then you pretty much know. It's not like I can ask them to do a video and give me a twirl Confused

Just think about how you might want someone to do that to you and use that approach, as it might happen to you

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