Separated from DH after long marriage nearly 2 years ago; was the right thing for number of reasons. Relatively quickly met DP through a shared hobby, was really not looking for a relationship but kind and fun and supportive, was loving and listened and really filled a gap that had been in my life for a long time.
I’ve now got to a point where a gut feel that I’ve had in our relationship is so loud.
I have dismissed it for a long time or maybe chosen not to act on it because the positive sides of our relationship have been so strong plus I don’t really know how to bring it up - I really do struggle with communicating and expressing my feelings and was a major factor in contributing to end of my marriage.
Anyway, my gut feel is that DP has some kind of double life and potentially into men in a sexual but not relationship way.
We speak regularly most evenings on videocall but there have been several times where he has gone completely off grid, blamed problems with phone the morning after but they have both been after doing same hobby with another (gay) man. He’s often on whatsapp in the middle of the night and sometimes online in the loo when I’m staying over. He’s bought condoms for us but when we’ve needed to use them, they’ve gone missing, he can’t find them and the lube bottle had disappeared.
More recently that means no sex - I found out at the end of last year that he had infected me with syphilis which I know is more prevalent in men than women, he’s never really wanted to discuss and I’ve been absolutely gutted that this has happened to me.
Was a massive wake up call and naive on my part to not have protected sex, can only blame this on stupidity and not something considered for very long time as married so long. I found a cock ring in his bed once which he said he found in some old boxes from the past and made a big show of binning it. He’s had erectile problems on occasions and I had suspected porn use but I don’t know whether it’s because he’s not that into me (no pun intended), the sex has been good in the past but has not been very regular more recently. Would be so much more conclusive if I had a smoking gun and sounds so daft writing it down but really don’t know what to do.
I do love him and enjoy spending time together but I feel trust is the basis of any relationship and I’m all muddled up about whether I want to continue the relationship. I don’t even know where to start in voicing this out loud. THank you for listening.