confused, not sure this is going anywhere

[hurtslove]

Rocky relationship for the past three years. It's been very up and down. That's not what I want. Plus no commitment. No talk of the future. No real intimacy.

He shuts down any time I try to talk to him about any of this. It has left me feeling so frustrated, so sad, and angry. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of being patient. Everything is a drag.

He needs a lot of time alone. He's a loner. And I spend most of my time alone. Apart from on the weekends when we meet. Despite him being a very short car ride away.

He spends a lot of money on me, going out etc. Wants to pay for a holiday for us, our first time in three years. He has supported me massively at work. That I am truly grateful for.

He doesn't compliment me. He's not like that apparently. But he is quick to criticise. I have to beat it out of him whether he finds me attractive or not. I don't always feel it. I don't feel adored. I don't feel like he misses me much. Maybe I am too available.

He calls me several times a day. Despite me only being a 20 min ride away.

I don't know. Should I be happy with this?

No. It sounds fucking awful. It would make anyone miserable.

Don’t waste any more time on him.

Stop wasting your time on a relationship that doesnt work for you.

I think the more important question is are you happy? Doesn’t matter if we think you should be happy because from everything you’ve said it really sounds like you’re not. Something needs to change. If you want this to work then talk to him and explain you’re unhappy and need more. If he’s content with the way things are then there’s a problem thag he’s not willing to help fix. If you don’t want this relationship to work then it’s better to end it now and look for someone who wants the same things in life like you.

It isn't a question of 'should you' feel happy. You either are or you're not.

If you're not happy, that's it really. You are not happy with the relationship as it is, and it appears that he isn't going to change. Decision time, maybe?

I ended it a few days ago. And I don't feel sad. It feels weird.

I'm not far off 40 now and I sometimes wonder if I am expecting too much. But I want to feel loved and adored. Maybe it is too late.

You answered your question in your third sentence

Hiddenvoice I have tried. He just ignores me. Tells me not to worry. That's it. Nothing changes. I can't even talk to him about our relationship progressing or starting a family. He has always shut it down. And I can't bring myself to anymore.

If youve already ended it, great! Dont look back

He’s not willing to change and is happy with how things are going. You’re not happy and I think it’s for the best that you’ve ended it. You’re not sad which shows you accepted it was over a while ago. Time to focus on you and eventually meet someone who wants to settle down and have a family!

Forgot to add… you’re definitely not expecting too much and totally deserve to feel adored and loved!

Thanks Hiddenvoice I just don't know if it's possible anymore. Men just seem to be so awful. I've had a lifetime of dating. Hard to feel positive or even want to look forward. All I know is that I don't want to feel how I have been feeling around my ex.

Your ex has been bringing you down for a while it seems.
Take some time out to focus on you. Relax, pamper yourself, meet up with friends and do things you enjoy doing and maybe always wanted to do. When you’re ready, try start dating again. There are a lot of men out there who want the same as you, don’t give up hope!

No way, I was dating the same guy that you describe for 2 years and it ended last year (although mine was tight fisted and didn't spend a penny on me despite making alot of money)
I'm now with a man who makes me feel adored and its absolutely amazing, please leave this guy and find someone who makes you feel a million dollars, its only looking back now I realise how miserable I actually was

I don't know. Should I be happy with this?

This is more concerning than your b/f's behaviour.

Why is your reaction "should" I be happy?
What you should be asking is AM I unhappy?
If you are - leave. You have no obligation to stay in a relationship that does not make you happy.