My OH have been together 12 years and I have 2 children under 5. We both work PT and have the children on our days off. Our relationship hasn't been great lately and I have felt like he doesn't really communicate with me.
Anyway, he keeps taking on extra work projects which take up his evenings - after the children go to bed until midnight, for 3 weeks at a time. He works from home (he genuinely is working!) but obviously during these times I don't really see him much, and he gets very tired and grumpy during the day because he stays up so late. After the last one I said I didn't mind him doing them (however we don't really need the money) but could he just run it by me first - to make sure they don't clash with any major family events, etc. During these projects, I find that I have to do a lot more round the house, he gets really snappy with me and the kids, and we argue a lot more. And, as we don't need the money, I figured him talking to me about it seemed fair.
Anyway, he then took on another commission without communicating with me at all, and I am very angry with him because I feel like he isn't treating me like we are a team, and isn't respecting all the extra work I do when he does this extra work. He's also been super grumpy and snappy with me and the children. I think he feels like I'm a nag but I just want to be involved with decisions that impact our whole family. Am I being unreasonable? Would you expect your partner to tell you about extra work like this? He's acted very annoyed about me expressing any concern for his wellbeing whatsoever but doesn't seem to know what level of concern would be okay. He is generally very bad at communicating his feelings. So I'm not sure if I should just leave him to it - and put up with the grumpiness and snapping - or tell him that if it's impacting the family then he needs to consider this.