Mismatched commitment

[Dartanian]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We are both middle aged, me with young kids, him with teens.

From the start the suggestion was that in time we'd meet each others kids, we both wanted a committed relationship etc. Things have gradually moved on, but whereas he met my kids a year ago, met my friends etc, I've not met his. Due to this I've really retreated and kept my kids fairly separate since I realised he wasn't actually going to introduce his.

We see each other 2/3 nights a week and in lots of ways he puts in lots of effort, DIY at my house, kind and thoughtful etc. His kids and friends know of me (phone calls with them present etc) but we don't progress any further at his choice.

I feel in limbo, he's a big part of my life, we speak every day etc, but he's also made it clear as time has gone on that he has no intention of committing more than currently. I also feel sad that he doesn't want to introduce his kids, he's suggested it so many times but then always has a reason not to.

It seems like we have different commitment levels?

It does appear that maybe you want the relationship to progress further, while he is happy with the status quo as it is now.

Do you enjoy how it is now? Blended families are hellish hard work tbh

I think this doesn't need to be negative for your relationship if you are honest with each other about where you're at, and if he's honest about why he doesn't want to introduce his children.

There's a world of difference between 'I love our time together but don't want to merge lives until my children are adults, for now I just want it to be us' and 'I don't want my children to meet you because I don't think you're a longterm prospect / I've told them we're not that serious'.

Can you trust him to be honest about where he sees this going long term? It's concerning that he keeps saying you'll meet the children then finding reasons not to. At the very least he owes you honesty and no stringing along.

I'm going through something similar. What happens when you call him out on his dodgy communication? Time for an honest chat ahout what kind of relationship and timeline you want before resentment sets in.

Maybe they dont want to meet you? I mean they are teens, they might find it awkward? Just a thought

I think it is really weird that you haven't met his kids after 2 years of being together. That's not 'being sensible', it's being avoidant. It's not like you'd be moving in the day after meeting them.

You got into this relationship because he said he wanted commitment and for you to meet eachothers kids, and now he has reneged on that. If this isn't the relationship you want, then walk away. I get a big 'place-holder' vibe from this - that you are in a relationship until someone he likes better comes along.

If I was you I would feel completely duped, which in turn would make me end the relationship out of principle.

But, I am not you, and like someone said upthread, blended families can be a nightmare.

If this situation is starting to grate on you now, it will only serve to get worse.