Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH won't let me be a "Facebook friend"

35 replies

comebacksun · 03/06/2022 04:34

Dh and I have a pretty rocky relationship. I'd say due to issues with his kids and also around sex (since I had our 2 dc). Over the 22 years that we've been together, it's been very up and down.
In 2017, we separated for 6 months.
While we were separated, he signed up to fb.
He won't let me become "friends" with him. His reason is that he's joined groups that I would have no interest in, so it's not got anything to do with me.
Every time I bring it up, he shuts down the conversation. Would you think this is a red flag?

OP posts:

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/06/2022 13:39

I think it's a red flag. I'm in loads of FB groups my husband would have no interest in - he can't see them? Clearly your husband thinks something is going to be found out if he has you as a friend. Even a cursory google would tell him he can limit what you can see.

Fuzzyhippo · 03/06/2022 14:59

Mine won't either, and he's blocked me on Instagram. Never saw it as a big deal until someone told me he's upto something. I'm still friends with him on an old account which I don't think he realises, and as far as I can see he's not upto anything apart from following young girls (he's 33) and accounts for latex fetishes. He's following these accounts almost daily and it makes me feel sick

ChocAuVin · 03/06/2022 15:04

My ex-H wouldn’t ‘let’ me be his friend on FB.

Emphasis on the ‘ex’.

Tillow4ever · 03/06/2022 16:18

comebacksun · 03/06/2022 06:32

Thanks all. I think you're right, it feels to me like he's hiding me. I'm not sure if I trust him. He's very secretive.
I had therapy while we were separated. He would never dream of it, as he believes I'm the cause of all our problems.
I just wanted to know what people thought of him not wanting me to see his fb.
The thing is, even not being his "friend" I can see when he changes his profile pic and the comments from people. I've never seen anything suspicious. Maybe he's just strange (he definitely is!)

The thing is, you can't see all the other stuff on his profile, unless you are friends. And even if he added you, he can make settings so you can only see certain things (so just be aware of that in case he suddenly agrees to add you).

So just because the stuff you can see it is all innocent, doesn't mean everything on there is.

I think you are right to be seeing this as a result flag and if I were you, I would be seriously considering why I'm still in a relationship with someone waving multiple red flags at you and blaming you for all the problems in the relationship.

Good luck for whatever you do next.

Original poster

comebacksun · 03/06/2022 20:13

Well you have confirmed it for me. I know the relationship is broken. I just haven't found the courage to leave yet. I'm working up to it. This red flag confirmation is another step closer.
I see couples split and they move on. Even though I know we should too, I get incredibly sad when I imagine us apart. And this freezes me in my tracks. What is that??

OP posts:

BadNomad · 03/06/2022 20:27

Change is hard, and people find comfort in the familiar. But change is good.

Original poster

comebacksun · 03/06/2022 20:59

True.
The thing is, I know we will eventually part ways. I feel it. I don't think either one of us wants to be the one to admit it. When I did last time, he shut down all communication about it. He just left and we couldn't calmly talk about it.

I'd love to have an honest discussion about everything but he always twists my words around and accuses me of meaning things that I didn't at all. He accuses me of playing the victim, so it's easier not to speak about it, shove it under the rug and keep the peace.

OP posts:

SunnyShiner · 03/06/2022 21:07

He's being a twat

Yellowhase · 03/06/2022 21:51

My worry would be who he is interacting with and not wanting you to see. On the other hand I have had arguments with my dh about his over use of social media and the way he conducts himself at times. Long story but I can see why not being friends is beneficial also!

Original poster

comebacksun · 04/06/2022 03:24

I can totally see that point of view 😀

OP posts:

Flip

1 2