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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DM rudeness/entitlement

6 replies

gollygreatgood · 02/06/2022 23:28

Moved back near DM last year as we've always been close and although it's fairly minor stuff, I'm really starting to resent her low level rudeness.

She went on a 2 week break and assumed that I'd take care of her pets, but I realised she never actually asked.

She's just retrained to be her own boss, which is great. But seemingly expects me to do the lion's share of her business set up, she often leaves me to it whilst she'll start faffing around the house. I've been round 3 times this week alone for hours on end, on top of my full time job. She also got really short with me the other day, raising her voice when I asked her to explain what she needed me to do.

The final straw was baby names, I'm expecting and she asked about ones we liked. We have one in mind but not totally decided, it also has sentimental meaning due to a relative DH lost. DM didn't like it, screwed her face up, shook her head and said "GOD NO!" When I hadn't even asked her opinion.

I was pretty annoyed at the time but didn't say anything, then she sent me some names today and I called her out on it. Explaining that her comments upset me last time, so I'm not sure I want to discuss names with her. Instead of apologising I got "Jeez hormones!" And she's now ignoring me.

I really love DM but surely it's pretty basic to apologise when someone you care about explains that you've upset them? I find it really immature that she clearly can't handle being called out on her poor behaviour.

Maybe I am being overly sensitive? After years of having my dad over step the mark to the point that I'm NC, I really feel like it's important to be able to set boundaries with DM.

OP posts:
gollygreatgood · 03/06/2022 20:49

No one else had a similar experience?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 03/06/2022 21:10

I would say never discuss with anyone the name you are possibly choosing for your child as their opinion is not needed and a total pain when given. Just toss out a few favourite names you have no intention of using so she can waste her comments on those. Or keep saying we have no definite yet.
Maybe say...do you mean to be so rude which hopefully will take her back a bit.

billy1966 · 03/06/2022 21:14

Why have you moved back near this woman?

Why are you involved in her business?

Why are you acting as her skivvy for hours?

Why would you so quickly slip into that role?

Your relationship is unhealthy.

You need to get urgent counselling to figure out why you have such poor boundaries.

If you don't your life is going to be very stressful and sad.

Your relationship will suffer with uour partner.

Your will have so much unnecessary stress.

Why have you moved back to this?

Advanceofthetrifle · 03/06/2022 21:15

Find your people on the stately homes thread on the relationships board

gollygreatgood · 03/06/2022 21:40

Thing is, she can be equally generous with her time with me and I am happy to help. I've just been a bit blindsided by how rude and short she's been with me lately, she's not always been like this. It's like she expects me to think for her sometimes.

It's also hit a nerve because DH has called me out a few times for stubbornly refusing to apologise in our relationship, and I guess now I can see it's a learned behaviour and something I need to work on.

She's messaged me today and tried to gloss over things today, discussing a totally different subject. I know it's childish but I can't be bothered to reply and I feel like she needs to apologise for her behaviour about the baby name.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/06/2022 11:03

Don't answer her.

In a few day text her that you have found her VERY rude at times lately and that you need space.

Mention the babys name being none of her business.

You had better make it very clear you will not accept this behaviour going forward or this will be your life.

Either way, you are far to involved i her life.

Leave her to her business completely and be far less available in general.

If not, this will be your life with her.

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