Feel like my effort is not being matched

[sylvanian123]

Trying to keep this as brief as possible.
Been seeing someone for only around 4 months and recently made it official.

We're both mid 40s & divorced. I have a Dd from previous relationship he has none

Basically I feel like I'm the one always marking more effort but was chatting to a friend this morning who said I tend to go "above & beyond" and by expecting this to be matched then I'm expecting too much. Her solution is that it should be me who makes less effort.

Part of the background is that my moms house is currently being renovated so she is living at mine. It means anytime we stay over together it's always at his. I understand this makes more sense practically but it's like he just sits back and expects me to go round and see him on his terms.

One other example is that last week he had CV19. He loves a lone so I went shopping and dropped groceries off at his porch.
I have since tested positive, he's back at work and not thought to make any effort whatsoever to return the favor (my mom is staying at my brothers in an attempt to avoid it) and my Dd is at her dads. Am I being unreasonable expecting some effort in return? Given he's literally just recovered from it he could actually visit me if he wanted to (I'm not actually ill with it). All I'm expecting is an offer to drop some stuff off or some sort of effort? Am I actually asking too much?

The reason I'm posting is that it's a bit of a recurring theme in my dating life that I make more effort than is reciprocated

I guess I have 2 options, to stop making so much effort on those I'm dating; or, to just accept that it won't be returned?

Does he 'give' in other ways? Make food for you both when you're round at his, make time/effort with your DD?

Sometimes we're looking for our efforts to be repaid in exactly the same way (in your example bringing you shopping because you brought him shopping) but our brains are all wired differently.

I would naturally feel the same way as you btw but I try look at the things H does do (that maybe I don't reciprocate) rather than just get pissed off that he hasn't done X when I did X for him last week.

That's a fair point. I'm not actually bothered about groceries....there's nothing I need but he doesn't know that. I'd just like 'something' to show he cares and is thinking of me.

He's not met my Dd yet as I feel it's too soon (i was contemplating it and now I live got doubts about him among any effort).

When I'm at his wed usually get a take away or go out.