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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do?

6 replies

Supernova18 · 02/06/2022 10:01

Hello everyone,
I am looking for advice with my babies father (she’s almost 6 months). Her dad has walked out several times, including during the pregnancy and comes and goes. He has left and this time seems pretty final on it. A month ago it was very different. I have no family in London or a nearby friend circle and have been living with his family since a fire at our home. The house is now renovated and he moved back there, leaving me at his mums. He has told me to find somewhere to live, which I understand, but he’s so cold and heartless. I drove some distance to drop her off to him and pick her up the next day. He gave me a list to work on, told me to get a dating app or go through my phone to find someone. Told me how he can sleep with anyone he wants now (which he can). He then called me a few hours later when I was asleep and the next day again, to say that he felt our talk was good (it wasn’t) and I should go to things this weekend with him and his friends as he’d like me in his circle….

I obviously love and care for him and I am in a very sad place. Has anyone had a similar experience? What do I do?.

please help as some days I just don’t want to get out of bed

OP posts:
St0bb · 02/06/2022 10:09

He has left and this time seems pretty final on it

He doesn't get to have this control. YOU decide it's final and that other than contact for your daughter you want no contact with him whatsoever

Tell him you have no interest in being in his circle of friends and no desire to share details of each others dating/sex lives

Focus on your DD and building yourself back up. Can you move back near your only family and friends

I'm not the best at making new friends but when my DD was a baby was actually the time I found it easiest. Join some mum & baby groups, it will benefit you both but hopefully you will meet some really supportive friends too. I found that chatting to others with babies the same age invaluable. There's also now an app called Peanut that wasn't popular when I had my DD but I've heard it's great for meeting mum friends

Good luck, it will get easier but you need to take control

Kimmy567 · 02/06/2022 10:24

Does he own the house? Does he have an income? Maybe ask a solicitor for advice.
He doesn't sound like someone you can trust or rely on.

PonyPatter44 · 02/06/2022 10:27

Why is he living in 'your' house, and not you and the baby? Its pretty obvious you've now split up, so start thinking about managing on your own. Get on a housing list in your home area if you can, put in a claim for benefit, and go to the CMS for maintenance if this silly man-child won't pay up like an actual adult.

LIZS · 02/06/2022 10:27

Assume you were not married? Did you coown the property? It is not up to you to facilitate access nor do you need to see him face to face. Does he similarly control his mother?

Supernova18 · 02/06/2022 10:33

Thank you! I have downloaded peanut :). It is his house that he owns, so technically he is right to ask me and our little girl to leave. He has had her one night in 2 weeks. He chops and changes, is awful and when ignored and given the cold shoulder decides to come back or be nice/tell me I’m a nice person

OP posts:
St0bb · 02/06/2022 11:11

If he doesn't spend much time with her anyway is it really worth you staying near him to accommodate this? I'd be tempted to move nearer my own support network and let him travel once a fortnight

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