Men don't like me

[Kanta]

I feel like I cannot connect with men on more than a superficial level. They want to get physical but I cannot find an emotional connect with anyone. How do I change this? What is wrong with me?

You're meeting the wrong guys. They just want a shag from someone, anyone. Don't take it personally.

Where are you meeting them?

I was always told “let’s keep us a secret “.. and I fell for that shit. Wouldn’t anymore. Dated a guy once for 3 years and never met his friends/relatives. I hate how stupid I was and how much bullshit I took.

last time I DTD I conceived my soon to teen but even he was - we should go and see x film, have dinner etc you know making plans- then a few more drinks later and we dtd then of course, he fucked off.

happy to potter my way into my 50s without a partner if all I can attract are wankers

There's nothing wrong with you!

Most men have the emotional depth of a paddling pool. It really is them not you. Please don't start thinking you're the problem.

How old are you and where are you meeting these men?

Agree with CrumpetStrumpet !

I find that when I was too fixated on going for a particular look, that particular type of man turned out to be disingenuous. This was OLD mostly, so may not apply.

My point is, there's nothing wrong with you, but men who don't want a relationship and who are enjoying shagging about won't give you what you want.

It's really difficult and I sympathise. A lot of us have been here- it's not you.

Oh I've been there. I was constantly being told "I think you're a great girl, but I don't see myself in a relationship with you". 🙄

I now hold out on establishing a physical connection until an emotional one has been formed. Not in the sense of withholding sex per se, I've just gotten to a point that I don't care to experience physical intimacy before there's an emotional connection.

You've internalised the idea that it's you that has to change here.

Stop doing that. You are who you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

There's a lid for every pot, as they say, but sometimes you do have to go rummaging through a few drawers, a cupboard and the loft before you find it.

I am 35 and I mostly meet guys on dating apps like Hinge / Bumble. They're not meant to be hook up apps.

I don't go for a look or anything. I don't even care about age. I look for something intellectually stimulating. But that doesn't seem to work.

I find that the more I'm busy with living my own life and doing my own thing, the more men seem to want an actual relationship.

Either that or its just because I'm older now. But up until I was maybe late twenties, none of them seemed interested in relationships qnd the few that said they were...it didn't ring true.

Now I'd say the last 6 in a row have been. Not to say it would have continued that way as I only chose to make it official with one but just the feeling whilst dating is completely different to what it used to be.

Like before, I always just knew they weren't going to hang about. And now that feeling just hasnt been there anymore.

I think the more you value yourself and your time, the more other people value you too. Be quick to get rid of time wasters. And of men who never take initiative.

And treat then first date as a chance to establish not only if their is chemistry but also, if this is someone you would ever choose to be friends with. If the answer to one or both of those is no, then cut your losses and move on.