Sleeping separately

[GayParis]

I know this has been done to death but I'm at the point now where I'm thinking it might be better to sleep separately?

Standard stuff - he snores like a beast, I'm up later than him, different wake up times etc etc.

Logically, I know it means absolutely nothing and just means we both get a good nights sleep but I just keep feeling like it'll be the end of any and all intimacy! Which I know is crazy...

I don't know what I'm looking for here, just experiences of sleeping separate? Assurances that you can still have a healthy sex life too?

Aside from the intimacy I really quite like the idea of having my own room to decorate/do up and have exactly as I like..

We have slept in separate rooms for about 3 years. Our relationship is much better for it. We have lots more sex too.

It takes a bit of getting used to before you stop feeling like you should be sleeping together to remain in a happy marriage, but for me & my husband we spent all night cursing each other’s existence and snapping at each other all.day.long from sheer exhaustion, when sleeping together. Once you have got used to it, the relief is enormous. To wake up feeling refreshed and happy to see the other half. Everyone is happier, including the kids before we have far more energy for them and each other.
Truly don’t understand why sleeping together equals more sex, it never did for us because when we went to bed together it was with a very heavy heart and a “good fucking luck to you if you don’t turn on your side to sleep. God help you if you fucking fall asleep before me”. It was sheer hell.
To be able to keep our sex lives active we do it when kids are at school - this is due to my husband’s shifts allowing for it. If we want it once the kids are in bed, I sneak in after it’s gone quiet. Alternatively, sometimes we tell the kids we are watching an 18+ film after they’ve gone to bed and they mustn’t disturb. Pretty sure the 15 year old knows what the deal is but we try our best to be discreet.

|Following on from breast cancer surgery and complications, DH and I have spent eight months sleeping separately, and have only in the last two weeks gone back to one bed together. Our intimacy has not been very sexual because I have had horrendous skin issues. But his care and concern and love has been given so generously, without sex, that it has been easy to resume sex, even though I still decamp to the spare bedroom at 300 if I am too hot or too awake. It's really not the end. Take it gently, and be relaxed about any changes; you are probably no longer 21. If your relationship is essentially sound, then generosity of love is perhaps/probably all you need. Take it gently.

Thanks everyone - this has made me feel miles better!

I've spent the last couple hours setting up the spare bedroom & making it look lovely so we're currently chilling in bed together & when he sleeps soon I'll slink off to the spare bedroom!

I definitely think it'll help our energy levels, mine especially as I think I'll fall asleep a lot easier if I'm not cursing DH for his snoring!!

We do a couple of nights together and the rest separately, but on shared bed nights we can't go to bed at the same time. We are happier than when we forced ourselves to share the bed always. I have some medical reasons and we bithe have snoring reasons.

We have always had separate rooms in our marriage- it gives us each a space we can go to for alone time. Also was very handy when I wanted him to get rest before work in the morning after the babies. It means when we are sharing a bed it's by choice and invitation and I think it makes it more special.

Forgot to mention it really comes into its own when one of us is feeling ill, particularly colds! I really just want to be alone then to sniff/ cough/ sneeze it out without disturbing anyone.

It's a taboo subject when you are younger, but by your 50s/60s many people sleep apart because of the snoring. We go away with 2 other couples ever year, and we need to find accommodation that allows all of us to have our own room.

We've had separate rooms for 15 years and our marriage is a much happier place because of it. Do what works for you.

We started sleeping separately when one of my kids left home, so we had a spare room. I honestly don’t know why I put up with his snoring, farting, and fidgeting for so long. Sleeping alone is bliss.

We go to bed together, fall asleep together then when my dh inevitably wakes up he goes into the spare room. He’ll then bring a cup of tea in the morning and get into bed and have a chat. Sometimes, if I fall asleep first, he’ll go-he snores and wakes me in the night. So if we have guests staying, I don’t get a restful night’s sleep! But we’re still as intimate as ever-sometimes we’ll have an interlude in the afternoon if alone in the house! This so works for us. My first dh used to berate me if I went to the spare room to avoid the snoring and I used to hate being dragged back.

We have been sleeping separately since February. It’s definitely better for both of us. My sleep is rather delicate due to peri-menopause and it means that if I’m restless at 3am or wake up at 5am I don’t bother DH.

Sex life hasn’t changed.

When DH and I started going out, we lived on opposite sides of town and still managed to have a regualr, healthy sex life. I don't understand how not sharing a bed stops that. Do people really wait until just before they go to bed at night to have sex?

Would love to sleep in separate rooms but even the mere mention makes DH think I want a divorce

He snores, twitches and gets up to wee several times a night but doesn't see the problem!

I have two small doubles next to each other and I wear earplugs to block out the noise! We come together at bedtime and then roll over and go our separate ways for sleeping. Works well. Separate rooms on holiday when this isn’t an option. It doesn’t have to mean the end of snuggles, you just have to walk/roll a bit further!