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Original poster

Is he genuine?

15 replies

veryconfusednow1 · 01/06/2022 11:07

I need some clarity and sensible advice about a situation.

I dated someone since the beginning of the year. He called it off saying he did not see me as someone he could commit too. Thats fine and I have changed my mind about guys I have dated in the past. All is fair in dating and war. I do not keep in touch with guys I break up with but I have kept in touch with this one as I liked him so much. Since we have broken up we actually have had more contact and facetime 😂

He needed help with something on Monday that he knew I could help with due to my job. I went to see him; he asked if I wanted to go for something to eat at some point - just me and him.

I did really like him and I was fairly surprised he called if off as we seemed to have chemistry, attraction and I felt very well matched - from my side it seemed great. Obviously from his side at that point something was missing.

Has anyone ever been in this situation like this? Could he have changed his mind about wanting a relationship with me and was just finding a way 'in' on Monday? Or am I delusional?

OP posts:
yousexybugger · 01/06/2022 11:16

Is he asking you out for a meal to say thanks for your help? I wouldn't assume he is sneakily finding a way back in for a relationship. He was pretty clear before. By all means go for the meal and keep an open mind but keep your expectations in check, don't go along expecting a big declaration or anything. Did he say why he felt you weren't suited?

Original poster
veryconfusednow1 · 01/06/2022 11:23

yousexybugger · 01/06/2022 11:16

Is he asking you out for a meal to say thanks for your help? I wouldn't assume he is sneakily finding a way back in for a relationship. He was pretty clear before. By all means go for the meal and keep an open mind but keep your expectations in check, don't go along expecting a big declaration or anything. Did he say why he felt you weren't suited?

Nope- just that he did not see himself ever being able to have a relationship with someone like me.

I re read the post and my question is not clear - i meant 'is he genuine about just wanting a friendship with me'

I just felt when i seen him on Monday he was showing off (said he just got 12k bonus) and was asking loads about my exes.

OP posts:
yousexybugger · 01/06/2022 11:31

Ohh ok. In that case and with your update then no, it doesn't sound like it in a genuine sense, sorry. That's not a particularly nice thing to say- 'someone like you'. Sounds like it's all a bit of an ego boost, as is bragging about the bonus. I'd say he might want occasional FWB if anything. I'd let him drift off if you still have feelings and find someone fully available to you rather than expending energy and emotions on this guy. Don't be helping him for free either!

1111fluffycat · 01/06/2022 11:35

yousexybugger · 01/06/2022 11:31

Ohh ok. In that case and with your update then no, it doesn't sound like it in a genuine sense, sorry. That's not a particularly nice thing to say- 'someone like you'. Sounds like it's all a bit of an ego boost, as is bragging about the bonus. I'd say he might want occasional FWB if anything. I'd let him drift off if you still have feelings and find someone fully available to you rather than expending energy and emotions on this guy. Don't be helping him for free either!

Not sure why he would tell me about his bonus out the blue
On paper I am more successful that him - and I earn three figures - I never mentioned it but he mentioned it a couple of times how successful I was and busy. He said I do three times as much work as him in a day

Maybe he just was not comfortable dating a 'woman like me' and was turned off by that?? I dont know??

He also said I had more muscle than him and was fitter 😂😂😂

easyday · 01/06/2022 12:39

I thinks there's never one reason (I was once told I wasn't compatible because I didn't do sports or running. Well neither does his now wife he met a few months after we split).
He may well like you and enjoy your company but there just isn't whatever that X factor is that will make it long term, and didn't want to string you along.
The boasting may just be that - it doesn't warrant analysing on a deeper level. If he asks you out again, ask him 'is this a date or what'? If you like him more than he you and you can't see him as a friend then stop seeing him period.

Inthesameboatatmo · 01/06/2022 13:43

Sounds like a situation I've found myself in tbh. I was dating a guy on and off for most of last year. We are both extremely busy so finding time to see each other was hard and contact sporadic. But we split in November last year and have more contact now almost daily than we ever did. And like you I have never stayed in contact with anyone I've dated previously.

If I were you I would go , what's the harm really as long as you don't read too much into it then I'm sure it will be fine .

anditgoesonandon · 01/06/2022 15:24

OP you have provided such a small amount of information but this screams red flags:

  • You really like him
  • He doesn't want to commit to you
  • He told you he doesn't want a relationship with "someone like me"- what does this mean?- this sounds horrible
  • He contacts you when he needs something from you and gives you just enough back to keep you ready to help again
  • He shows off about money (inflated ego)

Here you are considering that there may be something, thinking back to the chemistry and attraction at the start (it's classic narrcissm to be incredibly nice for a very short period of time) and ignoring the fact he told you he didn't want to be with you.

These people need to be wanted, they need someone that they don't have to commit to or do anything for but want them at their beck and call.

One word OP: Run...

anditgoesonandon · 01/06/2022 15:26

Oh and the fact you earn more than him and are fitter than him, this is probably why he can't see a future. He needs to feel he is better than his partner. You need someone who is comfortable to celebrate your success, not a competitor.

Suprima · 01/06/2022 15:30

Why on earth are you helping out someone you dated, but who couldn’t commit to ‘someone like you’? Like why is he in your orbit at all? Why on earth would you ‘stay friends’? Do you need friends?

To even respond to him, let alone help him out, makes you come across as desperate with not a huge amount going on in your life. No wonder he’s still buzzing around.

Suprima · 01/06/2022 15:32

anditgoesonandon · 01/06/2022 15:26

Oh and the fact you earn more than him and are fitter than him, this is probably why he can't see a future. He needs to feel he is better than his partner. You need someone who is comfortable to celebrate your success, not a competitor.

Lovely sentiment- but I seriously doubt that- none of how OP is acted comes across as ‘girl boss’ at all.

He knows that despite how callously he treated her, she will ‘stay friends’ and jump to his aid? That’s why he ‘didn’t commit’. Didn’t need to, because can swan in and out when he needs something.

anditgoesonandon · 01/06/2022 15:40

@Suprima this isn't a criticism of OP, it's a criticism of the guy. I don't think OP is flaunting her fitness or salary. The guy clearly feels he needs to compete with her: he's said how she has more muscle than him and boasted about a bonus.

Hurstlandshome · 01/06/2022 16:09

How does that saying go... if a man likes you, you'll know. If you're confused - he doesn't.
Sounds to me like maybe he's keeping you warm, so that you don't go off with someone else.
I'd withdraw from whatever this is and see how far he's prepared to go to stay in your life. Good luck x

Overthewine · 01/06/2022 19:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

seaUrchinOne · 02/06/2022 09:21

I couldn't stay friends with a man that had said he couldn't be in relationship with someone like me, fair enough if he's not feeling it but to drag out a friendship, would be uneasy, like he still wants you there as an option until he meets someone else. Probably best just to cut it off and move on.

Workquestion12 · 02/06/2022 14:35

So sorry OP. When a man is really into a woman, he doesn’t let her go. Please don’t hang around and hope. I mean this in a kind way. Move on and find the guy who won’t let you go.

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