Me and DP haven’t been together a huge amount of time. He’s 40 I’m 35. Around a year and a half ago, about 10 months into the relationship, we talked about kids. He wanted to put it off longer, I didn’t. At this time I should say that he came across consistently as a very dependable and sensible person. If I said what his job was it would be outing but he has masses of responsibility and from a society level he would be deemed important, integral, someone who is needed etc. I had no reason to think he would go on to behave in some of the ways he has - but maybe I’m being unfair…
We compromised on kids and agreed to start last Christmas. It happened almost immediately which neither of us were expecting. There were a tricky few weeks while we got our head around it but generally he had been supportive and positive.
As the months have gone by, I am feeling genuinely alarmed as to what I may have got myself into. We were living together but his job moved temporarily and the last 3 months he has been living elsewhere but visiting regularly and attending appointments etc.
His behaviour is really starting to worry me. One weekend was my brother’s 40th and he quite literally sulked all the way there, an hour’s drive, I think because he didn’t want to take up the day to go. He barely spoke in the car, it was draining. When we arrived he suddenly snapped out of it, chatting away and laughing. Whenever we were alone, at the bar or something, he would be miserable again. As soon as we got in the car to drive home, he was back to pretty much silence.
He has also turned up drunk, two hours later than he said he would. I’m not too fussed on the time but I think turning up at 11pm and staggering through the front door and upstairs is quite a selfish and unkind way to behave towards your pregnant partner. I had no idea he was planning to drink all night then come over. I said he couldn’t stay and then the next morning he claimed I hadn’t let him in the house at all - total lies or he was so drunk he doesn’t remember. It’s been very frustrating and he says I am lying and I never let him in. It hasn’t been the first time he’s got blind drunk and often over dinner he would down a bottle of wine as if that was standard for a Monday night. I did used to say could we cut it down a little but he played it down and said everyone in his profession does it.
These instances have caused a lot of strain as I am close to my family and don’t like his attitude and I am not a massive drinker in general and find stumbling around mid week at 11pm pretty gross. Following these arguments, he seems to have become paranoid. An example is that on one occasion I had used his phone without asking (I shouldn’t have done this and understand why he was angry, my phone was out of battery) but since then, months ago now, whenever we argue he keeps saying I’ve deleted his messages and he wants them resorted. It’s like he’s paranoid about something. I’ve never deleted anything on his phone.
There’s other strange things but even typing what I have already makes me so sad. I’ve never been involved with anyone like this before. I don’t really live like this, I tend to keep myself to myself and have a quiet life. Not saying I don’t like a drink etc but I just would never behave in this way and I would never have expected it of him either. Not sure what I’m asking I’m just really low/worried. I almost wish he had been like this sooner or said he wanted an abortion because now, this many months in, it’s not something I can do, personally. And I just don’t know how to see a future anymore, alone or with him.