Stressing!

[HeadSpin27]

I just need help on ways to deal with this. I love my OH to bits but it's really starting to drain me now to the point where I just feel really down all the time.

My HTB doesn't handle stress very well. Things are on top at work as they're having some works done and there's another 8 to 12 weeks of it yet its already been about 8 weeks now since it started.
Hes just getting really stressed and snappy all aimed at me too, rather than the people at work who actually stress him. Or family members who stress him. I'm the one who gets snapped at or shouted at for simply saying, we need a break from the daily strains of life. A weekend away somewhere, no kids, just us to relax and unwind a little. All hell broke loose. Rants about me putting on him all the time.

Anyway, go back a week or so. He had a week off work, I came home to all sorts of treats. He was in tears saying he knows he's been stressed and it's all work related and he should take it all out on me. He loves me to the moon and back. All the nice things.
It did lift me a little and I felt happier then than I had done in weeks.

It's all fits and starts, some days are good others are not. He can't be that sorry for the way he's been treating me because it's happening again now.

I feel like it's me putting in the effort all the time in our 7 year relationship, I feel like the spark has gone a bit. I've asked him if he wants to break up with how he's been with me he broke down and said that's the last thing he wants.

I dont know, I'm tired and I feel down most of the time now.
I dont want our relationship to break down but it might shock him into realising what he's losing if he carries on.

Tell me any way I could help him through it.. please?

Don't 'help him through it'. Tell him to grow up and stop abusing your for things that aren't your fault

It sounds like he's not coping and he's at breaking point. Sadly we l too frequently take it out on those we love. But that level of stress is not sustainable and ultimately something has to give. My friend was like this and ended up having a breakdown recently and ended up in a&e thinking he was having a heart attack but was just a panic attack. He's now signed off work and on anxiety meds.

You need to explain how this is affecting you and that you can't take much more so you are considering leaving. It is wearing you down. Is any job worth his relationship? I don't think you can tell him to move jobs but perhaps put the idea in his head. His options are to look for another job or he signed off work with stress. Or if it really is for 8- 12 more weeks only then the stress will stop, can one of you live elsewhere even if its just during weekdays only. It is important to have time away from this- holidays or wknds doing fun things but the stress just returns instantly as soon as the wknd is over and you're back to living like this.

I find writing down how you feel and letting him digest it has more impact and less likely to result in an argument than telling someone verbally. It somehow seems more serious if its written down. So write a letter or long text and let him think about it. Good luck OP

It's always our relationship that comes into question though when he's stressed. He maintains normal relationships with others but I seem to get the brunt end of it all the time. Last time he was stressed he said he couldn't do it anymore. I packed a bag and was gone by the time he got home. Just to have him blow my phone up with messages and calls saying how much he loves me and he didn't mean It he was just in a bad place. So I came back. Now I'm reliving it all over again. He's not tried to end it, he's just gone cold and snappy towards me again.

Do you really want this for the rest of your life ? Getting married won’t improve it, it will just trap you.
He treats you like shit, he apologises, you forgive him, and round and round you go.

No I don't. I want to be happy. We had a really good relationship until work got super busy. So I know its work doing it. Hopefully we will go back to normal when work is less stressful.
Don't get me wrong, we had our moments like every other couple but 90% of the time were spot on.

My husband had very stressful job. We went through five years of hell with it. He wasn't snappy or shouting but he just wasn't present. I told him he needed to leave as we couldn't cope anymore. He wanted to and he did. He set himself a time frame of 12 months. I said no six. He left and is back to his old self we manage on less money but the home life is worth it. Good luck x

Ah OP this is a tricky one, having been through similar myself with work stresses and taking it out on bf I can sympathise with him. Sometimes the stresses bleed into personal life more than people understand.

However, he needs to make some necessary changes. Perhaps he could see a therapist or counsellor, so that you’re not getting the brunt of it. Is it also possible for him to look for a new job?