'we are married 3 years, but together 10 years'

[Irishfarmer]

Just a bit of a floaty thought through my head.

Do I sound like an ejit if someone asks me how long are you and Mr Farmer together, I sometimes say 'married 3 years but together 10 years.' or just ' married 3 years'

I don't think anyone truly cares, I did find when we were married 1 year some might say ah still figuring each other out. When in fact at that point we were together 8 years (and living together from day 1) so knew each other very well.

It's like I have to justify we are together a long time. Any one else do this? Will I stop when we are say 10 years married? Is it because a lot of people (that I know anyway) I have long relationship before marriage now compared to my parents generation.

My aunt used to respond with "Three very happy years. The other 27 have been so - so."

If someone asks me how long we're together I answer how long we're together and don't even bother mentioning how long we're married

If someone asks together then I would say 10 years because that’s the answer to their question but your answer is fine too.

Who is asking?!

I think I’d want to include the been together ten years bit.

if people ask how long you've been together, they are asking how long you have been together. they aren't asking the status of your relationship? I would say the answer is 10 years.

If someone asks how long you’ve been together then I’d answer with how long you’ve been together. If they ask when you got married then I’d answer when you got married but maybe add that you’d been together for a long time before.

If they ask how long you’ve been together then just reply with ten years.
Doesn’t need over complicating.

Yes, if you've been asked how long you've been together then the answer is 10 years surely? DH and I were together eight years before getting married so I definitely count that! If it was how long have you been married, that's a different question with a different answer.

It depends whether the date of your marriage is relevant to the conversation. I usually say how long I have been married but in my case we have been together 19 years and married 17 years so the difference is immaterial by now in most contexts.

I think it sounds a bit weird like you're trying to justify your relationship. If someone wants to know how long you've been married they'll ask that, but if they ask how long you've been together and you say married x together y I'd just be like ok...and think you were someone who thought people who are married are more serious about one another than those who aren't are not type of thing.

Just answer the question you are being asked

How long together? 10 years
How long married? 3 years

Depends on the wording - asked married or asked together.

DH and I did two weddings (one legal and one party) 18 months apart for visa reasons, so I have to think when being asked how long we’ve been married & if it’s the legal date or the date we celebrate! We’ve also been together for nearly 15 years, but married for 4/5 depending on how you look at it!

I don't even bother saying how long we have been married I just tell people how long we have been together.
We was together for 9 years before we got married.

I would say 10 years. Because they just want to know how long you've been together for.

"My husband and I have been together 10 years."

My grandmother would say she'd been married for over 50 years "but not to the same husband though"

I think "married 3, together 10" is about right. The 10 years is relevant because it expresses that you are effectively an old married couple, but clarified that you signed off on it 3 years ago. Thus avoiding the "but I thought you were married 10 years?" And "oh, I didn't realise you were together that long?" clarifications.

Depends what was being asked.

• How long have you been married? 18 years.


• How long have you been together? 23 years

If they ask how long you’ve been together, the answer is 10 years, no need to add the marriage bit. They’re probably not that interested anyway and just making conversation.

I’ve heard loads of people answer the same way as you, seems perfectly normal to me

Ive never thought about it until now but i find that normally people ask how long we’ve been together and after a quick reminder to myself on how long I just say from when we entered a relationship but if people say how long been married I tend to say 4 years but together 8 years as in part it just doesn’t sound that long in my head to just say how long we’ve been married

If I’m asked how long we’ve been together I say how long we’ve been together. If asked about married (or engaged, in our case) I say how long that one is. I don’t think it really matters. It’s one of those small talk questions where the answer will more or less immediately be forgotten, isn’t it, they aren’t charting your life story.

I think I tend to answer the same way regardless of if the person specifically asks married or together.

It really doesn't matter it is usually just a chit chat casual question people ask to be polite. I can't imagine anyone would ever grill me on it! They might just think I got married v young.

I just wondered what way other answered it.

I always find this funny as my mum sees my sisters relationship more valid than my own despite the fact I've been in a relationship for 12 years and sister only 2 married for 1 of those years.