I don't understand this

[stillvicarinatutu]

I'd been seeing someone who got quite intense quite fast . If I Roslyn said we should just be friends and see what happens but I did really like him and he seemed to really like me - said he'd cried after our first date because I'd friend zoned him.
Anyway things moved quite fast . He told me he loved me and his actions seemed to bear this out . We were spending a lot of time together and everything seemed really good . Our values aligned , our politics , our tastes - everything. He is on the autistic spectrum but that didn't bother me at all , my som is and he was so raw and honest and funny .

I've had no hint of anything being wrong except his ex was still around and had tried it on with him one night but he told me and said he wasn't interested. She'd cheated on him twice .

We spent time together last week He had his kids at center parcs and invited me along for a day/ night .
I'd met his kids and it all seemed like it was going really well.
We went out at the weekend , I stayed there and he asked me to go and work from his this week.

He came over to mind this evening, I could tell straight away he was acting oddly - anyway he finished it. He says nothing I did but he doesn't want a relationship anymore with anyone . It's turned on a Sixpence
He asked if I wanted him to leave and I said there wasn't much point in him staying so he left.

We were compatible in every single way . I do t get it . I messaged a few times after he left asking for an explanation- he just said his feelings changed last week , he's not in love with me and he felt a fraud . There was absolutely no sign of this before tonight.

He had driven this relationship from the off - I don't know if he needed validation, or an ego boost , or what . But this has come as a bolt from the blue and I'd got so attached ,I'm absolutely devastated.
I've not messaged for ther because he seems pretty adamant it over . I need to keep some dignity.

But I'd been single for 3 years after a horrific relationship. He was saying he loved me , he was always touching me and messaging , the sex was amazing, the connection we had was amazing. He mesasaying he was absolutely love drink and he could feel the touch of my skin etc when we parted company for a few days .
Then this . Without any warning what so ever .
He has a lot of friends who are therapists and he said he has form for getting deeply embroiled in relationships early on but we were both keeping a level head i thought - he said tonight he doesn't feel the same as me .
I feel stupid because I'd been so guarded initially and only opened up when he had first . We never argued . He seemed so happy and I kno I was .
He has used a lot of casual date sites before we met , had lots of Casual encounters on swinging sites and the likes but said it was doing nothing for him.
He said he wanted a relationship, wanted to live with someone and marry again. He even broached the subject of us living together and said the thiught excited him.

I have no idea what's happened. He says nothing - he just doesn't want a relationship anymore .

I've left it - no point in asking anything further than I have because that's the explanation.
But I just didn't see this coming and I'm very perceptive normally .

It took 3 years of dating unsuitable men to find him and now it seems he's just another unsuitable man and yet it felt so different.
I know when his marriage was on the rocks he'd used date apps for validation. I'm wondering if that's all this was - he'd had a series of dates that weren't interested. He really went all out it date me ( took 6 weeks to get me to say yes to a date )
I'm wondering if he just likes the chase ? Then gets bored ?

I'd got so attached . Which isn't like me - for 3 years I'd dated , one date , easy - never wanted a second with anyone before him .

I'm now going to just take time out for myself and not date anymore but I'm 50 and I feel the sands of time are slipping through my fingers .

I was married successfully for 25 years. Then had a live in relationship for 5 but it was quite abusive and I was alone for 3 years until I met this guy .

I'm very open and honest but so was he - he never held back with how he felt - and now he's ended it he has t either - just said he isn't in a place to have a relationship and doesn't feel the same as me and decided he needs to work on himself etc etc which I feel after all the gushy talk is just a wanky platitude.

I maybe should have played it a lot cooler ? But I reciprocated and it was true - I had absolutely fallen for this man .

He already blocked me on fb . He hasn't blocked what's app but I'm not messaging him further . He's said it's over so it's over . I'm very confused but accept it .

I don't know why I'm posting . I'm just sad and confused and even after seeing him tonight I'm nine the wiser .

I think maybe I'm destined to be alone now ? I can't be arsed with online dating anymore . And I don't meet anyone as my life is work / home / work . I work shifts so can't change that or commit to hobbies .

He is 44 and seemed absolutely perfect - hippy credentials I suppose , therapist , seemed like he had his shit together but lots of relationships behind him .

Kettrick

Thank you so so much I'm reading those links now .
And thank you for your kindness. I'm hurting and needed truth with empathy x

You do, sweetheart. None of this is your fault, but offering 'collusive sympathy' isn't helpful - people whose heads have just been woefully fucked need empathy, & Tough Love.

Make sure you hang out with friends, lean on them but also make time for FUN.
Laughter is so healing. It's early days, but in time, you will start to realise how ridiculous he is, & find humour in taking the piss out of him. Let it rip! he is a ludicrous player who has picked up enough psychobabble from all his therapist friends to bullshit the unwary with.

Be happy with how much you have learned from this nasty experience, & that you didn't get sucked into years of head-wrecking push-me-pull-you. This kind of man cannot exist without melodrama. You are well off out of it.

My oldest best mate (who happens to me male) already started with the puss taking last night .
He says he made a voodoo doll and made its Willy fall off after stabbing it repeatedly with a rusty nail 😂😂.

He also said he's a massive twat and was punching 😂. I'm not normally unkind but every little helps .

The now ex is a family therapist and science teacher .
Initially when I met him I friend zoned him mentally because he looked and dressed like a science teacher. Somehow he grew on me . To the point where I was completely smitten . It helps so much reading those links because the person I've known all this time is not the person I got last night and that has come as a huge shock.

It helps so much reading those links because the person I've known all this time is not the person I got last night and that has come as a huge shock.

yeah, the cognitive dissonance will have you reeling for a little while, but the harder you laugh, the quicker you will mend.

Just look on it that you were briefly taken in by a charlatan, but got out in time with no serious harm done xx

I haven't managed to bring myself to actually block him yet . But there has been no contact .

Love bombed and ghosted - that first link is absolutely spot on

@stillvicarinatutu this is definitely a him problem and not a you problem OP.

I was in an abusive relationship in the past as well, the first real boyfriend I had after him seemed perfect, he was sweet, kind and attentive, all the things my ex wasn't, we seemed like a perfect match and everything was going so well. I met his family and we all got in well, we went away for a weekend and had a great time, he told me frequently that he saw a future with me. Then out of nowhere he ghosted me, I begged to know what was going on and like you I didn't really get any answers, simply something had changed in his head and it was over. Nothing had happened, no fight, no anything. This had been a fairly short romance, about 3 months but we were committed and he was the first person to treat me well since my ex.

A few weeks later I met someone else, we've been together for 12 years now, without any hiccups. I wonder if the previous guy ever looks me up and sees what could have been. I don't think of him much, I guess to me he was a stepping stone, what I needed at that point, to get me to the point I'm at right now.

I am sure you won't figure this guy out, to block you is very immature, but like I said I think this is a him problem, leave him to it, there are better things out there for you. Better this happened now than years down the line.

Men who fall in love fast, usually fall out of love fast as well.
Dont be too hard on yourself, you' ve done nothing wrong, Some men just love the initial chase and then when they get you hooked they lose interest. At the time he probably did genuinely feel like he had fallen for you, but his past speaks volumes kind of easy come, easy go attitude, Mr Unreliable who has probably left a trail of chaos and heartbreak, and will continue to do so.
Don' t write your whole life off just yet, in life you either win, or you learn, and later on down the road you will be more mindful regarding some of the red flags he was displaying, such as love bombing.
I would still stay open to meeting someone decent and kind, this one wasn' t for you, its still very raw now, one day you will see it as a blessing in disguise.
Theres a lovely speech on youtube regarding people come into you life for a reason, a season or a life time, its very comforting to listen to, l learnt alot through listening to that.
This is all on him, try not to over think, the outcome would be the same regardless. He is not capable of a long term stable relationship with any woman.
I would also recomend a very helpful book, "Getting past your breakup" by Susan Elliott, fantastic reviews on Amazon, was like a bible to me at a very difficult time of my life. Well worth a read.

He's definitely a love bomber, and possible narcissist. what you've described was very similar to my situation recently. You are best out of it. Proceed with caution with your next relationship.

Chased you got you then ran away. Lots of men do this in my experience. Nothing to do with autism. At least you didn't waste years on this guy. You did nothing wrong. Big hugs

Thank you all for the advice you were all right .

Future faker / love bomber

Got a message from him saying he didn't see it developing into anything more than friends !!!

After months of talking about our future , moving in together, meeting his kids etc ! Friends !

I've called him a cxxt and blocked .

This sounds incredibly like a friend of mine, also autistic. Once they have made their mind up, that's it.

I've called him a cxxt and blocked .
😂😂😂

Nice one. I hope you enjoyed the catharsis! xx

@stillvicarinatutu so he unblocked you to message you so he could feel like he had the last word or something, glad you got in there and told him where to go! Onwards and upwards for you!

Cried after the first date 🤮 what a bellend!