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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DPs upset about work and I want to make him happy- any advice?

3 replies

Mumblesmummy · 13/01/2008 14:12

Dp and I are very close and when he broke his foot, i was off work with stress anyway as I'd been bullied by a boss, so we were together all day every day and besides my DP he's also my best friend and we get on sooooo well.

We've got a baby on the way (I'm 23 weeks) and he's been looking for a job for a while (tho his foots not properly healed, he needs a job because I'm struggling with the rent with my two jobs and doing nightschool and I need to go off on maternity leave soon, as i have to get it all out of the way so that i can return to teaching and doing my PGCE in September).

The problem is, he's been really down for about a week now because he couldn't find a job and had been searching for a while. He's finally got a job but it's 7 til 7 days and nights for most of the week, working totally alone in a tiny freezing cabin on a deserted site. I spoke to him on the phone and he's snappy again (after being so excited and hopeful this morning) and he's really unhappy as he likes to be doing lots of manual work.

We're SO excited about the baby we talk about it loads and it cheers us up but he's not going to get to spend much time at home with us because of his job which he said is 'soul destroying'. I feel terrible for him and want to make him happy but we're in catch 22.

On top of everything, he feels really weird about doing things in the bedroom because of me being pregnant. So the physical side to our relationship has come to a stop. he said he can't wait to get back on track after the baby is born, but for the moment he doesn't want to do anything like that because it's just plain weird. i can see his point. From a man's perspective it probably does seem a little strange having sex with a baby in my tummy but I miss it so much as we used to be like rabbits. I havn't felt rejected as he's so loving and he looks after me and he's perfect in every other way. However, now he's really down he's a little quiet and so I am starting to feel a little rejected- which is clearly not his intention. I'm worried he'll only see me as a mum and not sexy after we've had the baby which he promises he wont, but it's just niggling a bit with my hormones being everywhere.

He's a really lovely person and I just want him to be happy and I feel terrible that he's not at the moment (though we're still very happy together).

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Tortington · 13/01/2008 14:29

intercourse isn't the be all and end all - try giving him a wank or a blow job - rubbing him with some oil or something.

you have ages before you have the baby

you will be a mum

and being a mum will come first - so you had better getyour fella in that frame of mind

and tell him if he wants a better job you will support him all the way

LuckyUnderpants · 13/01/2008 14:37

Cook him his favorite meal hand him a beer then run him a nice bath, then give him a massage with some oil (bound to get him horny) if hes worried about squashing your tummy when having sex try the spoons position, if that fails then give him a bj. Hope he finds a more suitable job soon.

Mumblesmummy · 13/01/2008 14:46

Oh he's all baby baby baby and he loves our godson to bits he already sort of acts like his dad (the baby doesn't have a dad. Or a mum.) And he's older than me so he's already in the dad frame of mind.. but I want to be his girlfriend (well wife soon) as well as a mum and I'm worried I'll just be a mum (tho I think that's me being hormonal and irrational).

The sex thing can be sorted- I do plenty of other stuff, just don't feel sexy myself at all and I know i freak him out and he's much more interested in watching my bump grow and trying to feel baby kicks than anything sexy. I'll do the bath, massage, bj thing tonight if he's not too tired (He's doing back to back shifts so won't have long).

Mostly I'm worried about the job situation as I've got an English Degree and I teach CV writing etc etc so I did him one and it was really good, and a good cover note, and he's got a good working background but NOTHING has come up for months. He's finally got a job and there was all these promises, then it ends up being naff.

I just feel really sorry for him because he's always life and soul and everyone loves him, but at the mo he's just fed up to the back teeth.

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