Help me work this out!!! Wtf

[whymewhyme]

So I've posted on here alot recently about my sudden split from cheating husband. Were going into week 5 now and I finally got him to sit down with me to answer some questions cuz he won't talk to me or be held accountable. As expected he said barely anything and when he did talk he blame shift on me or her...unbelievable ( blaming her for "getting his situation wrong" that he made up to get in her knickers btw) wow! Blaming the new gf.

Anyway I gave it him stright, didnt get alot off him but i got my say and thats what i needed for closure. Anyway after 3hrs talk....as he went he said he liked my new nails and he told me my hair was nice and asked if had it cut and coloured!!!! ( i hadn't) What the actual F...why give me complements and comment on my appearance!! Its boxed my head all day.

This arsehole has sat for 3 hrs telling me cheated because somthing must of been missing...must of, don't you know. Lol and that he didnt love me and was only staying for DC sake.

Totaly confused but maybe that was part of the plan, anybody shead any light as to why he would do that!

It’s easier to compliment your appearance than to explain his behaviour. He may be deflecting the conversation away from what a shit he’s been, may be complimenting you out of habit, who knows. It doesn’t sound like you’ve got closure though given your spending time working out just motivations - which is understandable just 5 weeks in.

What did you hope to gain from the conversation?

Classic behaviour imo, he wants his freedom and to be with his new gf but also wants to keep you hanging in case it doesn't work out with her. Have clear boundaries in place and don't allow him in your head.

Good Riddance would be my advice, focus on yourself and have your own back, because this spineless weakling certainly hasn't , or hers by the sound of it, be interesting to see how she reacts to his insinuations that it's all her fault, of course he will be giving her a totally different account of the conversation and conveniently leaving the clutching at straws, leaving all options open, compliments out.

For exactly this reason. To confuse the shit out of you. Distraction technique. Let it go and keep holding him accountable

@Overthewine unnecessary nastiness.

He has started to 'see' you again because you're not his little wifey object anymore. Hence why he commented on the nails and the hair. When you were in a relationship with him you would have become part of the furniture to him. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, it wouldn't make any difference to men like him. They simply stop 'seeing' their partner and paradoxically notice things about other women.

He probably feels bad so threw in a couple of meaningless compliments to ease his guilt.

telling me cheated because somthing must of been missing

I agree with this...but the missing part is in him!

People who have affairs in commited relationships sometimes trot this phrase out but my life experience has shown me that what's usually "missing" is a deficit in the person having an affair.

All relationships go through troughs and tough times where a partner may not meet your needs completely. If you are able to self soothe or have coping mechanisms then you'll get through these times. If you are unable to manage your emotion and communications then an easy fix is to have an affair. You get validation, excitement and novelty which can act as a distraction and fills your emotional tank.

The obvious downside is that you betray your spouse, become a liar and break up a family. It's why cheaters repeat patterns because the deficit is in them not the person they are having a relationship with.

The compliment is him trying to be the nice guy again. As if that would heal the breakage he caused!

anybody shead any light as to why he would do that!

Because he is a lying cheating arsehole and doesn't want people to think that badly about him. Including you, the person he cheated on.

So he plays the 'nice guy', - complimenting you. Because thats what nice guys do. And he wants to think of himself as a nice guy. Just hang onto the thought that hes a lying piece of shit and your life is about to get sooooo much better without him in it. And use that thought as your closure.

Buttering you up for when he's bored of the OW.

Hi, sorry to post and dissappear. There was a huge revalation lastnight. Her Husband contacted me, i confirmed everything he thought. And he is taking my son to meet ow tomorrow!!!!!!! Heartbroken he would introduce him when hes been so unsettled since he vanished. So angry and gutted.

@Fireflygal amazing words! So much so I screenshotted and sent to my ex who cheated 😂😂

Hunni dont waste your time trying to get through to him, he doesn't care.