Can't articulate why I'm so angry over this

[Lovinglondonlife]

I feel as though I just need to say it.

Many, many years ago I had a long term boyfriend, he was nothing really but a liar and an abuser, who did some really terrible things, but I thought I loved him, it was first love/relationship for both of us.

I got pregnant, he got much worse, then when the baby was a couple of weeks old he went off with someone else. I was devastated and to make it worse he carried on pretending to be a family, saying hat she was a mistake but still seeing this other woman at weekends, until he eventually left and disappeared from mine and the baby's lives completely.

I found out on SM that he'd moved in with and married this woman, she knew he'd left me with a newborn. They plastered their lives all over SM, all of their holidays, boozy nights out while he never ever paid a penny for his child. Their wedding was all over SM which they'd spent thousands on it was the best day of their lives apparently.

Then a few years on they must have split up and she's just got married again (third time lucky for her) and it's all over her SM it was the best day of her life ( again).

I've been with dh now for 15 years and have had more children, I've never seen nor heard from ex, our child was brought up never knowing him.

I don't know why but I'm still so angry at this woman. If I should be angry at anyone it should be the ex, but even after all these years I'd love to confront her. Obviously I never would. They both treated me and dc as if we were disposable and it sickens me.

She may never have even known you existed. And if you say he was a liar and an abuser so chances are he told every lie under the sun about you.

She didn't treat you as if you were disposable because she didn't ever owe you anything. He did.

I'd bet if you messaged her you would find out she had been just as abused as you were and probably mortified to think that you were angry at her for being with him.

She definitely knew I existed because at the time she sent me messages blaming me for ex not seeing the baby, but did it never occur to her that it was odd to get involved with a man who had a tiny newborn. I did tell her that he'd been carrying on with both of us but she obviously didn't believe it or chose to forgive him. I'll never know.

I get that it's odd to direct the anger onto her that's why I can't quite understand why. When I couldn't really give a stuff about ex anymore.

Perhaps it's the injustice of it all.

It must be so hard, he did wrong by you, and if as you say she knew about the baby, then so did she.

In your shoes I would still be angry. I know it’s because I try very hard to be an honest and fair person in all my dealings, and when the world doesn’t treat me fairly back, I can rage.

But it’s an anger that can do me no good if I can’t change things. I find I need to park that injustice away where it can do me least harm.

It may be that as they’ve both matured (and possibly had children), they’ve individually realised how awful their behaviour was. If it was me, I’d like to think that inside each of them is that small voice that reminds them what shits they were.

Like you I think your boyfriends behaviour was far worse.

He almost certainly lied to her and told a different version of events.