Just posting to see if anyone has been in a similar position really -
My family situation is quite messy and my parents had a very messy divorce when I was around 11. My Father was emotionally abusive to us all growing up and was a bully, but especially to my Mother who he was also physically abusive to. He made our lives a misery with the divorce (we lived between them both) and made a difficult situation ten times worse.
They are both now with different people who they have been with a really long time now, and my Father had more kids. Things weren't great growing up but I tried to get on with it and a lot of the stuff that was going on from my Father I took as, it's just how it is and just tried to let a lot of things go.
Always been quite a one sided relationship in that I've always been the one chasing contact, trying to arrange to see them, me going to them and would never have heard anything from them otherwise. I've just kind of realised this over the years and decided to accept it for what it is, instead of trying to force something, and just accept that if I don't chase them as much we have a lot less contact. Therefore over the last 7 years or so, I see them very little. Hear from one of my half brothers via text occasionally and swap birthday / christmas texts with everyone else from my dads family (sometimes I get replies sometimes not)
Now I'm due to get married and don't know what to do about inviting them. If I see them I get on ok with them, we've not had any sort of big fall out or anything like that, but my Dad and his wife especially feel like strangers. They know I'm engaged but have never met my fiance and have never asked anything about him other than his name. I don't know if my Dad will come even if asked. I had a 30th birthday meal and invited them but he declined saying he would end up saying something he regretted to my mother and her husband and it would spoil the night so, I'm anxious about something like that happening if they came.
Even without an argument, it would all feel very awkward and i will feel very anxious about it all on the wedding day and in all the time leading up to it. My friend suggested holding a separate wedding celebration meal, for my Dad, his wife, half brothers and their partners etc. and not inviting them to the actual wedding day. I thought I'd decided that was the best thing to do and made my peace with it but, recently have been feeling quite emotional about it all and wondering what to do for the best. Part of the reason is for my mother, she would never ask me not to invite him but, if he comes she will be literally sick with nerves about seeing him as she was for my older brothers wedding about 12 years ago. Equally though, what almost non existant relatoinship there is now, could be down to nothing if they are upset about not being invited...