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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner's manager blows hot and cold and not sure how to act

13 replies

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:38

She was originally his colleague and they seemed to get on fine.
She became his manager and like a totally different person really. She was quite nasty to him for a couple of weeks, he'd walk in and she wouldn't even look at him, would talk down to him, reported him and lied to him, and so on. Also mocked him for failing something.

I just saw another side of her.
It dented his confidence a lot, and he started looking for another job.
I get management is stressful but there's no excuse. People can snap sometimes on an off day then realise they're wrong, but this just seemed nasty.
Now she's suddenly nice again, but I just worry she'll do it again, though I hope not. There was no apology from her or sign of remorse apparently. He seemed to forgive it quickly.

Yesterday he brought her up in conversation, "Oh did I tell you Sarah's got a new car?".
I tried to just be polite and friendly but my body language maybe gave it away, though I really didn't mean for it to.

He said 'your facial expression changed when I mentioned her'. I just explained that it was only a week or so ago she was treating him like dirt and that she's being all nice again now but I just hoped it was in the past.

I really didn't mean for that to come out, just when he mentioned her name i was a bit like 'urgh' In my head.
Of course he wants to get on with the staff there especially the manager. I may have to cross her sometimes so I just have to forget about it and be polite don't I? I honestly just find her a bit intimidating and feel uncomfortable now

OP posts:
Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:40

He had a previous manager who was a bit snappy and off. But this manager one day apologised for everything at least

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EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/05/2022 16:44

Does he talk about her a lot?

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:45

He did when this was all happening but a bit less now.

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Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:48

Do you think I was unreasonable in coming across as a bit cold when he mentioned her? It wasn't intentional

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TimeToChangeItUpNow · 29/05/2022 16:49

I don't really understand how invested you are in his work and second thinking your reaction to his manager. Is there something more going on here?

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:51

I'm not invested, it's just he was talking to me a lot, i mean daily, about how she was treating him. Then a couple of days later telling me about her new car so i was a bit like 'urgh, her' in my head.
It's just when he said why did your expression change, i felt a bit awkward

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TimeToChangeItUpNow · 29/05/2022 16:52

(By the way, I say that as someone who has a bizarre manager, one week undermining me, the next telling me how great I am! My other half would just shrug and make a joke and might well make a face but it wouldn't be a problem for me and I certainly wouldn't want him worrying about his reaction to my manager's name. In fact, we joke together about my manager being hot/cold on a good/bad week!)

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:52

I'm just angry at her as she seems a bully and I've had a few. But if he's now getting on with her then i have to forgive her in my mind i guess

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SpeedofaSloth · 29/05/2022 16:52

Do you have direct contact with her, for example working at the same place?
If not, leave it your other half to deal with.

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:53

But that is reassuring to hear. I was probably overthinking.

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TimeToChangeItUpNow · 29/05/2022 16:53

I don't think you have to forgive it, no. I think you just listen and say it's great you are getting on better. I wouldn't worry about your facial expressions though.

Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:54

Don't have any direct contact no, if i go to meet him though i do see her.
But yeah, I've left it for him to deal with, just feel a bit angry about her and I guess my body language told it

OP posts:
Whatagoodplacetobe · 29/05/2022 16:54

Yeah this morning i tried to say well it's good if you're getting on better.
But just when he told me about the car i couldn't be like oh that's lovely I'm so happy for her

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