Teen DS graduating this year. Heading for uni with a nice scholarship. Has been a pretty good student. This last term he missed some assignments. Conversations were had which I thought were taken seriously. Support was offered and rejected. No consequences were imposed, however, as the careless behavior felt atypical and in the wake of the social desolation of the past couple years (lockdown was extensive in our area) it felt cruel. Cut ahead til yesterday; we find out that in addition to some more missed small assignments, he completed but failed to submit a major assignment. He is now possibly going to lose the scholarship. I'm sad for him to have his memories of grad affected by this disappointment. I'm trying to think of how to talk to DH about this--DH and DS generally have a good relationship but lately DH has been unproductively yelling occasionally. I am upset that DS didn't take our earlier conversations seriously though he said all the things to make me think he did. I'm disappointed in myself for backing down from his annoyance at my idea of checking in occasionally for missed work. All in all, I feel like we each in our own way mishandled the problem throughout term. Any ideas about how to address this with DS to convey the importance of not repeating this pattern in uni? Of reaching out for support if he needs it? I am concerned that in the one hand it is too late for consequences but without them the message isn't sinking in. The consequence of losing the scholarship counts and doesn't count; it counts in the sense that DS will feel badly, but it doesn't count in the sense that really DH and I will be paying the shortfall, not DS. We are getting him an ADHD evaluation; but he's a legal adult and we can't make him take this seriously if he isn't otherwise inclined to. I think, however, that the real problem is computer games, which became a crutch during lockdown. This is extra hard for me to address because DH works in the game industry and refuses to accept how problematic gaming can be for many people. In short this problem has opened a huge can of worms and I have no idea given my own neuroses and DH's blind spots and DS's getting away with stuff how to move forward productively. I think I need to start with a "please don't yell be productive" talk with DH. But I'm so tired.