How often do you do stuff with your partner

[yayayayayaya]

DH and I have date night on a Thursday and Saturday nights, but it's always at home and usually just ends up being dinner together and then in front of the tv for an hour or so.

We've recently implemented a fortnightly out of house date night - getting my mum to babysit for a few hours so we can actually get outside.

It gets me quite down tbh.

DH always goes out once a week after work with friends and might start playing football again a couple of times a month soon.

I do my walking group most weeks and a book club once a month. I also try to do dinner with a friend once or twice a month, when the kids are in bed. DH will also do the same.

I feel like there's such little time for us as a couple. But Perhaps my expectations are too high. We only have my mum to help with babysitting and I don't like to ask her all the time as she does a lot for us already.

I definitely feel like I'm the driving force behind us having "couple" time together, which irritates me. Left to DH I'm sure we'd only ever stay in.

Loads! Date night at home every week, out usually twice a month when he haven’t got small babies (currently do). He has Mondays and Tuesdays off so we do stuff together while big one is at school. He also doesn’t leave for work till midday so we have morning together too. We love doing stuff together, we’re best friends. When I go back to work I will make sure I have a Monday or Tuesday off so we still get to have our day off together when small one goes to nursery.

That's lovely 😊

We have two toddlers and DH works Monday to Friday so apart from the evenings I find it's so hard to carve out any decent time together.

I also feel it falls to me to arrange stuff and prompt him which grates

I drop him and collect him from the train station most days. Does that count?
we had a weekend away recently.
Maybe 2 or 3 dates/ weekends away a year.
Its pretty crap.

Mine works weekends and doesn’t get home till 11:30-1200 at night so I grab any time with him that I can!

I think it's quiet common in families with children if you're working and also want your own time. I think for DH and I most of our time together is spent inside. Is quality time and we enjoy it.

We probably go out on our own about once a month. Family baby sit or we book a day off together when the kids are in school.

FWIW, even before kids we did a lot of our own things and never spent all our time together. We've never been that kind of couple.

Never had anything regimented - we do things together because we want too. Even with exh we spontaneously did things. A relationship you have to schedule time together doesn't sound good

Try and do something once a month just the 2 of us (cinema, meal out, bowling, show etc). Also have a cheap mini break (b&b/travel lodge etc ) for 2-3 days once a year.

@motogirl we were like that pre kids. Now sadly if we don't plan, we don't go!

Loads (3-4 times a week) but all our kids are 18 + and we don't live together. Unhelpful I know.

With my ex (when the kids were young) it was rare that we ever had a date night as all the babysitting was saved of event we went to together.

Been together 6 years and rarely do anything, we don't live together so usually I'd come to his for one night at the weekend then go home the afternoon after. Occasionally we'd go to a local pub but he's broke 99% of the time so I'd end up paying. Not exactly a fun relationship but it is what it is

Your set up sounds quite good to be honest!
Me and DH currently have zero date nights. My DM looks after our toddler 4 days a week so we never want to ask for evening baby sitting and we don’t have anyone else local to ask.

We rarely do anything together tbh apart from eat dinner, chat about our day and occasionally go out for dinner with the kids (13 & 18). We have little in common really. He has his allotment which keeps him busy at weekends and I tend to stay at home or go for walks etcand spend the most time with the kids. We're going out on our own tonight though to a quiz but that's a rare thing. I don't really mind but I feel our situation is unusual

Pretty much nothing.

We don't have the same interests. On our days off work we have DSS, so can't really do anything then.

Work days we work shifts so not often around at the same times etc.

If he's up he might walk the dogs with me. But normally I'm awake way before him, so go on my own.

We did go to the cinema on Thursday last week though. Made a nice change.

DH and I've had 1 date night and one evening out with friends in the last 7 years, we have no family nearby and can't afford babysitters. He goes out with friends 2x a week and does sport 3 evenings a week. I'm stuck at home with DC a lot. Be grateful for the date nights you have, it could be a lot worse.

IN all honesty OP with 2 toddlers I think your expectations might be a bit unrealistic.

Is the problem in your mind the lack of together time, or the fact that you are more eager to get out of the house than he is, and therefore you are left to organise? If it's the latter, I think you just have to accept that usually one partner is more the driving force for this sort of thing.

If it's the former then realistically your only way to make that happen is you both give up some of your solo activities - but I think that's a slippery slope and it's always better for you individually and as a couple to maintain solo friendships and socialising.

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting to hear from strangers what their setup is.

It's very common in our social circle for couples, even those with small children, to be out as a couple all the time. But thinking about it they have far more family support, and/or money, than us, so can afford long hours with babysitters.

For me think I find it a bit grating that's we're forced to socialise separately so much now.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be in each other's pockets, it's just the lack of choice, as one of us always needs to be at home with dc.

But I suppose that's life with small children and I should make the most of the time we do get together

Once a fortnight sounds amazing! My last date was my birthday (April) and my next date will be next week (husband's birthday). The time just vanishes before we can plan something! We do watch a tv series together every evening, but I wouldn't call that doing something!

We have no family nearby (my mum is a 5 hour drive) so we have had one evening out together in 4 years 😳

No one to babysit so about twice a year.

We have every other weekend to ourselves, which is a recent change in childcare arrangements, so we're planning on ringfencing those times and not letting them get taken over with DIY or other chores, which is easily done! Otherwise we try to surprise each other with little dates or day trips and such, things like the theatre or museum exhibits or a one-off fancy restaurant, or lovely walks. Depends on that month's finances.

In a normal week, we spend time together in the evenings after the DC are in bed, watching TV or listening to music and reading, or just chatting.

Meh. It's life with young kids and no childcare.
Kids are down by 8 at best, we eat dinner, watch telly, one of us might be doing other work at the same time. We chat. That's how life is.

He goes to the pub occasionally, I go to the movies occasionally, we see our own friends.

Weekends we try and do something out with the kids and we had lunch at a pub together a month ago, first time since late 2019 😂.

"date night" stuff in the house is kept for Valentines Day, birthdays etc

For those saying they don’t have date nights because they have no one to babysit - any are you not paying a babysitter ? Your relationship is unlikely to survive if you don’t make the effort to Spend time together

We never really go out anymore since COVID to have a date night as no childcare. But we are both home together nearly every night. We might both be away somewhere else maybe once a month or every other month to see friends (our friends don’t live nearby). Our nights together aren’t particularly exciting though! We do try to make Friday and Saturday nights a bit more of a special dinner. Pre-kids though we were out together like 4 nights a week.

And for us, we used to have a babysitter. But she had to stop due to COVID (we also were generally trying to limit contacts as Dh is self employed and I was clinically vulnerable, as was babysitter). We moved to a new area end of last year and haven’t found anyone here yet. We really love our quiet nights at home at the moment, but will find a new babysitter soon once we get to know people here better. I don’t just do randoms though. 😬

We have a proper date out at least once a month - a concert, comedy gig or theatre, or going into London to an exhibition then cocktails or dinner.

We go for walks together as there's loads of beautiful countryside and NT places nearby.

We sometimes go for dinner together but do that more often with DC too.

You need to get this sorted. Don't worry too much if the impetus comes from you at first but do nudge him to have some good ideas. Just look up comedians or bands you both like and book some tickets. Once you have a few fun nights to remember you have more shared experience than just the kids. It's really necessary in a long marriage to keep having fun together.