Moving on

[1Happinesss]

My husband left me over a year ago. Since he left he went on to Tinder and has had a few relationships which appear to all be serious ones at the time. He has been nasty towards me and our children, I’m not sure why.

Any advice on how i move on and get over him? I keep busy, it’s more emotionally stuck in the past.

Does he have contact with the dc? The nasty to you and them is a separate issue, it sounds like he’s trying to live the single life again and lashing out because despite being separated you still represent responsibility and real life which he doesn’t want right now.

Keep interaction with him to a minimum, arrangements for DC and finances, by text only so he becomes more of a business transaction than anything emotional. (You also have written evidence of when he’s being an arse)

But most importantly what about you, you say you are keeping busy but is that stress cleaning the house and garden or are you actually out getting proper you time doing things you enjoy?

You stay right out of his life, block him on any SM. You only communicate about the kids when necessary.
Are you getting out with people or sitting at home brooding ?

No he doesn’t have regular contact with his children, he doesn’t make time for them, won’t contribute financially either. He has a bad attitude, mean words, anger, won’t have minimal/polite conversation or make eye contact.

No, no sitting at home thinking about it all. I work full time and when I’m not working I‘m with my children.

I guess I don’t get time for things I enjoy for myself. However I enjoy the time with the kids.

you need to get a cms claim in to make sure you are getting what is owed.
Aside from that, block him on everything, give him one form of communication that you check weekly for contact details of the dc etc beyond that do not engage. If he’s not seeing the kids regularly you have no reason to subject yourself to his attitude.

it sounds like you have fun with your DCs, how old are they, as they get older you will have more time to rediscover you.

The children are 6 and 8 years old

Do you have family close by? You posted late last night, so I’m guessing you were feeling low and probably a bit lonely. It’s great having fun with the kids but you need adult time too. Could someone babysit for you one evening so you could get out and start a hobby for you, even if it’s just meetin a friend for a drink.

I have family who babysit for me to work so it wouldn’t be possible to get them to do an evening too. Perhaps a hobby from home. Thank you for your suggestions. You were right about the feeling low and a bit lonely (although I’m rarely on my own). I don’t feel ready or want to meet somebody new, I still don’t really understand why my husband left to be honest.

Hobby from home is a good start, especially now post covid there are still zoom group options.

you won’t start to feel ready to meet someone until you’re happy in yourself. So getting out for some you time is a good plan. This will get much easier over the next few years as the dc become more independent. You might find something where yiu can drop them at a club and go and spend some time for you. Gyms are quite useful for that as they often have kids clubs running alongside regular classes.

I would be very surprised if exdh leaving had much to do with you it sounds from the small amount of info that he’s a selfish man child who decided that adult responsibility isn’t for him. That’s why he’s being such an arse to you as he can’t justify his behaviour so he’s lashing out. Hard as it is, just don’t engage with it, and try and separate yourself from it, it feels really personal but you mustn’t take it that way.

what sort of things do you enjoy? I’ve met some great groups of people through wild swimming.