How would you feel?

[pumpkin12]

From reading a thread earlier about when did you know you had made a mistake getting married, it got me thinking.

I got married at age 21, however around a few months before the wedding or maybe more I tried to speak to my mum saying I don't want to go ahead with marriage. I remember her being in her bedroom and replied along lines don't bother me with this I'm tired (it was a weekend middle of the day). I remember after it I kept thinking she'll bring it up again but never did, I was just overwhelmed and really wanted help. I'd been with the guy 5 years and loved the idea of being married but realised not with him but in the end went through with it as I couldn't see how to stop it to be honest. Luckily I did leave after 18 months with a friends help, again no real family help from my parents, I did move back home but left as quickly as I could as I just felt so unsupported.

Anyway, this was over 20 years ago!!! the thread earlier brought all this flooding back and my question is how would you feel about this? it's something I find hard to even believe happened. My life has turned out good but I can't believe thinking about this that as a parent you would do that. I know I'd help anyone that said that to me.

Well, your mother didn't respond in a caring way. What was your relationship like? Was she normally distracted and uncaring?

I can see how her response would have upset you and your hurt is vaid. On the other hand, at 21 she may have thought if you really didn't want to marry him you would have just ended it.

I remember feeling I didn't know how to get out of it because everything was booked and paid, not by my family and that was partly why I was asking her for help on how to stop it, because it was a big wedding and I knew money would be lost.

My relationship was ok with her or so I thought while reflecting over the years, I've come to realise it wasn't. I don't ever remember asking for any help from her other than this. I was closer to my dad and always regret not saying to him however he worked long days and often not home because of this.

Even when I left the marriage she did pass comment that I was married and shouldn't be walking out on him, even when I explained some of the incidents or ways that he tried to control me financially. I think it is a case of out of sight out of mind she doesn't want involved in anyone's stressful situations.

if you look at it from her point of view. Is it possible she had married in a similar fashion and unlike you hadn’t escaped. So by the time you asked her she was knackered, unhappy, mentally exhausted etc etc. all of the things you wanted her to help you prevent happening to you.

Im not saying they had a bad marriage but no one knows what goes on inside a marriage and how people really feel. It’s possible to be happy on the surface but be hiding regrets etc. while some people would try to make sure their own children didn’t make the same mistake others may be too overwhelmed.

reading your OP I actually thought that was where it was leading, that now you could see how she must have been feeling etc. I hope at some point my children do look back and think although I’m not perfect, I did my best and there may have been reasons I wasn’t always present.