I feel like my partner resents me

[Somethingtoclingto]

I've struggled a lot with my mental health over the last couple of years and finally feel in a good rhythm with things.

It's worked out that I sometimes get a day off in the week when my DS is at nursery while my partner works mon-fri 9-5. There's no way either of us can change these working patterns. The other day we were chatting and I said I didn't mind working some weekends because of the time that day off in the week gave me. It was quite out of character of my partner to suddenly say 'yeah, I never get a break so this has worked well for you.'

This has really stuck with me and I feel the need to defend myself that most of the time I use this day to catch up on housework/life admin but sometimes I do take some rest too and I really appreciate that.

Am I being a bit too sensitive? How would you take this?

My DH says stuff like this all the time. He just grumbles about it. I do try and give him some time at the weekend to mess around with his hobbies. Does your partner get any free time?

I would ensure that he got a few hours to himself at the weekend.

Make sure it's equal though! Don't let him have 9-3 because then you will have to take Sunday to do all the housework and life admin!

I wouldn't necessarily take it that he resents you but more that he ignores / doesn't realise what you do on your day off.

To make it fair he should take on half the housework and life admin in exchange for the same days off you get.

When did couples get so competitive over free time?
When mine were little I only ever worked part time and my dh worked long hours and an awful commute. He never complained or resented my free time.
I once said that I worried I didn’t contribute much financially and he said that he couldn’t have his career without me doing the bulk of parenting.

Mon - Fri 9-5 is fairly good hours. Can’t see why your dh is resentful unless he’s deep cleaning the house every weekend.

It's so strange you know. On weekend mornings I get up with DS and insist my partner stays in bed but he always comes down not long after saying he felt guilty. Just now he came in while I was making tea and asked if there was anything I could do. I said 'no, no sit and chill for a bit'. He said 'youre too good to us'. Lovely but so not in line with how he is the rest of the time! Very confusing and often leaves me not knowing quite how to be.

Just be yourself. If he makes another comment like the 1st one, be direct and say 'do you need some time off'. Ask him straight and go from there. Otherwise if you're happy with your set up carry on.

Stop doing work on your day off! Have a whole day doing what you want and don't feel guilty.

Then BOTH do the housework/admin on your shared day so your partner can see what there is to do. At the mo it sounds like he takes that utterly for granted. I'd be resenting HIM

He sounds burnt out and like that’s where this is coming from. If he felt he had a decent balance and enough time to himself and your relationship is otherwise alright I can’t see why he would be resentful of this. Surely he’d be happy for you?

DH gets a full weekday to himself each week while kid is in childcare and I’m working, it’s just how we’ve done things as he has low energy and lots of studying to do on top of work periodically. I’m glad for him and don’t resent it because I also get plenty of free time to myself. Give and take.

Sounds like burn out. Is he under a lot of pressure at work? Does he put a lot of pressure on himself to perform?

The comment can be read a couple of ways, so without talking to him it’s hard to determine what he meant. I wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s indicative of resentment for you, but more frustration at his own situation. He can be happy for you, but also sad for himself. It may not be that he wants to deny you your day off, but he would also like to have one himself.

Talk to him about it?