Seeking support to deal with crushing pain.

[cantbelieveheletmedown]

I can't eat, sleep stop crying. HUge gulping sobs. Currently going through breakup but want to do it with my posessions and sanity intact.

OH Became distant in Decmber and hance siince been going through the script to a tee. Yesterday I had a phonecall from a colleague of his saying that he had been seen in public with the OW. He got home last night at 9 when he used to be home on a Friday at 4 and went straight to bed without speaking to me.

This morning I challenged him about being seen with OW to which he said the colleague was lying and he was fed up with the fact I didn't keep the place tidy!! He then proceeded to say that if I spoke to the OW it would be a deformation of character and he would call the police! WTF?

He also told me this morning to take my car and shit and fuck off!

He went round to his parents and on his way out told the dogs "hopefully she'll be gone when I get back"...like I'm some sort of lodger and has thrown his wedding rings on the table.

I sold my home to move in with him, trusting him, exposed my vulnerabilities and now I'm breaking. I'm in bits.

His Mum owns this place so obviously I cannot stay and I'm looking for somewhere on my own but the vast majority of furnishings are mine and I'm not leaving them. How do I stop crying, Get through this.

I’m sorry you are going through this. You just need to be strong and think about what you now want to do in life. Once someone has checked out of the relationship the best thing to do is to remove yourself from their life fully. Give him what he wants. If he then fights for you you know he truly misses you, if he doesn’t he was never going to be there for you and make you happy.

So sorry OP. Sadly he has checked out of your marriage. As painful as it is, you can't make him love you. It takes time to heal and move forward. Slow steps. Have you got somewhere you can go tonight where you can get support in real life? Then you need to seek advice regarding divorce. Your furnishings can all be sorted out in the settlement. You could perhaps take some soon if you move into rented accommodation in the short term. Take care and be kind to yourself. xx

Option 1: pretend none of this is happening. What he wants is to upset you so much that you leave, and then he can say 'she left me, I've no idea why'. You'd have to have nerves of steel to pull this one off.

Option 2: accept that this is happening and it doesn't matter if he does say 'she left me', what matters is you get away from this toxic setting. Call your friends so you have real life support and then, if you can afford it, hire a storage unit and start moving your stuff out.

Obviously if you do want to speak to the OW you can do and the police are not going to arrest you (what a wanker) but it's a waste of your time and energy. If you sold your house, I assume you still have the proceeds since you can't have bought into the house you're living in as it's owned by his mum? If so, hopefully the financial settlement will be fairly straight forward.

I'm also now worrying about renting because there is no way that she is going to give me a landladies reference!!!!!

Are you renting from her? I would just explain that to the letting agent if it crops up. If you do still have the proceeds of sale, you can sweeten the deal by offering 6 months' rent up front.

Yes unfortunately

I'm so sorry op. It's horrendous I know but right now bring practical and having a plan is key.

If you sold your house, consider offering 6 months rent up front as a sweetener in lieu of references - it won't be a deal breaker. Then start looking around/getting ducks in a row. I know you want to fall apart right now, but as soon as you can, start planning and organising.

I can offer rent in advance but need somewhere that will accept dogs as he isn't getting them.
I can offer professional references too.