I think my relationship is over

[Zappanda]

I’ve been with DH 11 years we have 2 DC. We are on holiday with his parents this week for half term and we can hardly bring ourselves to be nice to each other. Lots of sighing and muttered passive aggressive comments. I hadn’t realised things had got so bad. But this week is like a slow form of torture.

Why is it especially bad on this holiday? Or is it that on holiday without daily worries, you realise how bad things are?

Has your relationship been strained and difficult before the holiday?
Did you hope some time away from the routine of daily life and chores would enable you to just get along like you use to because its the day to day that you think has caused issues?

When I was going through something similar, I changed it for the better once and for all.

I started calling him my husband My lovey/My Dear/My Darling. It changes the tone of the communication to a positive one straight away.

Please give us an example of 2-3 disagreements situations. I would say how I would react to them to save the marriage/relations.

Yes, we see our life from the distance more when we are relaxed - on weekends off together and on holidays as we have more time to notice things and how we communicate.

Whenever we disagree, it's always very important to stay respectful to each other.

Respect is based on good respectful language towards each other at all times.

Holidays often make a poor relationship worse.
I’ve been on two holidays where I just wanted it to be over, and to go home.

I personally wouldn't rush to break 11 years of generally happy relations and would try to work on it if possible.

Well it’s my fault. Last Christmas another man kissed me - I was stupidly drunk and I pushed him away as soon as I knew it was happening. I told my DH straight away. After my post this morning me and DH have had a long chat and he admitted that the distance stemmed from that and that he’s struggling to trust/ respect me. I’m heartbroken. He’s heartbroken. I don’t know where to go from here.

Did you encourage the guy who kissed you or were you out of it and therefore vulnerable to someone who tried to take advantage? I'm trying to work out whether your husband is unfairly blaming you for what happened or not. If he's unfairly blaming you then you need to speak to him about his behaviour towards you. If you were up for it with the other guy, then why and can you see how this must have hurt your husband?

The other guy was being quite flirty at the party. I told him I was married. We went outside to smoke and he kissed me. I was so wasted it took a few seconds to register what was happening and to push him away.

I think DH questions whether it happened exactly as I say it did (it did) but also judges that I let myself get in that vulnerable position in the first place.

I thought we had talked and moved past it at the time. For DH that’s obviously not the case and I don’t know how to fix it.

Will he go for marriage counselling ? Does he want to mend it ?

We both would consider counselling. The problem is the cost - we really don’t have anything spare at the end of the month. It will have to wait until we are in a better position. Obviously I know the risks associated with that