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Relationships

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Original poster

Going on holiday with OH's family

21 replies

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 00:32

So, I have a few weeks leave left this summer. I want my OH and I to holiday alone...he wants to holiday with his daughter and her family. He is very close to his family, I am somewhat distant from mine, so find the whole family gathering stuff a little too much. We've been away twice already with his family, now I would like it to be just the two of us. It's causing problems and I can't get through to him. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

tortiecat · 28/05/2022 00:39

YANBU, truly.
When you say you can't get through to him, what do you mean? What has he said when you've asked to plan something with just the two of you?

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 00:50

Thanks for replying... He just thinks I'm unreasonable, unsociable, awkward etc. To be honest, I'm probably all of these, but I still struggle to understand why he needs to go everywhere his family goes. They are nice people, but nothing really beats a nice romantic time, just the two of us. Our family dynamics are just very different and sadly it's very hard to reach a compromise.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 00:52

Sorry...I didn't really answer your question. He wants a holiday just the two of us too, but time and money really only permit one trip.

OP posts:

Brusselsprouts21 · 28/05/2022 01:10

Could you do a bit of both? Meet up with his daughter and family, spend a few days with them and then you two go off on your own mini holiday for a few days? Everyone's happy.

2pinkginsplease · 28/05/2022 01:12

A bit of both would be good, go to the same resort but book a separate hotel so that you can meet up but still have your own holiday. Spend x amount of days with his family and the rest as a couple.

Takenoprisoner · 28/05/2022 01:17

It's perfectly reasonable to want a holiday for just the 2 of you. As for him calling you awkward, unsociable, that's very disrespectful. It's hardly unsociable to want a romantic trip with one's romantic partner! How well does he understand your other needs and does he meet them?

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 01:24

Thanks everyone, I think that's what we may end up doing, but from experience this hasn't worked in the past... It's promised but we end up hanging out with the family every day. I think perhaps I'm being a bit awkward, but I would like the two of us to decide where WE want to go... Not have to go where the family is going. I feel I have little choice or voice as my OH loves his family around him. A nice trait I know though difficult at times. Thanks everyone for helping me sort my head out with this x

OP posts:

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 01:30

@Takenoprisoner I agree it's disrespectful. Yes, he meets my needs, and he's thoughtful and attentive, but we both have a tendency to argue ugly! We get on very well but are poles apart when it comes to family stuff. I have my own adult children who I'm close to but we are all quite independent and don't feel the need for daily contact.

OP posts:

Threetulips · 28/05/2022 01:33

Then book and go alone.

Tell him he has a choice - he can come with you or his daughter - let him decide.

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 01:38

@Threetulips tempted 😁!

OP posts:

Iflyaway · 28/05/2022 01:50

So he basically expects you to abide by his wishes every time. O.k.

I couldn't be doing with that either, every holiday spent with people who are basically strangers.

I also don't need to be in daily contact with adult DS either.

I'm single and have solo travel around the world down to a fine art. 😊

Original poster

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 01:57

@Iflyaway you make very good points, and I'm glad you recognise the difficulty of spending time with those you're not wholly comfortable with. I relish freedom and choice...he can go alone if he wishes, though I wish he could accept my feelings.

I am in awe of your solo travel skills. Good for you!

OP posts:

BemoreDerek · 28/05/2022 03:29

Have you pointed out that there's no give and take (from him) here OP? He wants one thing, you want the other but you have already compromised by doing what he wanted on the last two holidays, when is it your turn? Family is important of course but so is maintaining the connection with your partner and it's not unreasonable to expect to be his priority sometimes.

If he's not prepared to take your feelings into account and compromise then you have a problem because it will just become the norm to go away with his family every time, so I would be standing my ground now before it becomes any more of a pattern. You deserve to have your feelings and needs considered too and if he won't do that then your relationship will always be one sided with you making all the concessions.

worriedatthistime · 28/05/2022 07:31

Surely neither of you are unreasonable , you want just the two of you , he prefers a family . No one is wrong , you just have different preferences
I guess he has always been this way

ZekeZeke · 28/05/2022 07:39

Cwtch911 · 28/05/2022 01:30

You need to work on the ?both have a tendency to argue ugly* -what is that all about?
It doesn't sound very healthy.

I would suggest going to the General area his daughter will be but ensure accommodation is a distance away. You can chose to spend a few days alone and also time with his DD.
How old is his DD? Is she adult or child?
She may need alone time with her Dad too.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 28/05/2022 07:42

Its a tricky balance, when I was married, my wife liked holidaying with her parents, which bugged me, but we (wife & myself), usually ended up making the decision on location , accommodation etc, and almost ended up being chaperones to her parents, which really bugged me.
I would agree with posters above that your feelings need to be taken in to consideration, especially if you have already compromised once

Takenoprisoner · 28/05/2022 08:06

@Cwtch911 I don't agree with posters saying neither of you are being unreasonable. Your dp certainly is. You've already been on two holidays with his family and now want your own. Stop giving into him op. That's not a healthy balance in a relationship. Compromise has to be mutual.

Book to go by yourself or with friends, it may make him realise you won't always give in to his unreasonable demands.

And I'd tell him to stop calling you awkward and unsociable, that's unacceptable.

gannett · 28/05/2022 08:22

Oh I don't think you're being unreasonable AT ALL, I'd be exactly the same as you except I don't know if I could stand two big family holidays in one year in the first place.

But in my experience the kind of people who are used to masses of extended family always being around and on top of each other are incapable of understanding that others don't necessarily share that view. Like, they can't comprehend it.

layladomino · 28/05/2022 08:53

Your parnter is being really selfish and unfair on you.

He likes holidays with all his family around him. You both want a holiday just the two of you. So the sensible and fair compromise would be that maybe one holiday in three he has all the family around him. The other two you holiday alone. Surely he doesn't think he should get his own way every time?? Does he realise that it's a bit of an insult that he seems not to want a holiday with you alone?

billy1966 · 28/05/2022 09:22

He sounds very selfish.

Calling you names because after two holidays with his daughter you would like a holiday on your own?

The name calling is just awful.

He is not treating you well, why would you accept that?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 28/05/2022 09:29

How old is his daughter?

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