Creating a fake Facebook or messenger account

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4557236-ive-done-something-terrible?page=2

On the back of this I considered creating a fake account and contacting my friend pretending to be the wife telling her I've seen all the messages and pictures including her address and that if she doesn't block and delete "my husband", who I'm going to deal with in my own good time, I will call and see her.

I want to give her a wake up call.

Good idea or terrible idea?

Terrible.
Just terrible.

Bad idea. Stay out of it.

Why? Just stay out of it. It's creepy and unhinged doing shit like that.

Or say something like how hurtful it is and how would she like it if her partner did something like it, play the sisterhood card.

I agree it's an unorthodox approach but I don't agree with "creepy and unhinged". I want her to realise how stupidly she's behaving and stop. Alternatively I could stop the friendship as our moral views are poles apart.

I want her to realise how stupidly she's behaving and stop

Yes, and I want you to donate all your money to charity.

Alas, everybody lives according to their own morals and standards, rather than your or mine.

Your responsibilty is to choose people to be in your life who don't piss you off, not to change people who piss you off into people who don't. Mind your own business.

Alternatively I could stop the friendship as our moral views are poles apart

This is a much better plan.

Do you have a life of your own?

Terrible and frankly dangerous idea. So what happens if your obviously unstable friend decides to confront the 'wife'?

You are not powerful enough to give this woman a 'wake up call' and if she doesn't realise you find her behaviour morally disgusting by now, she never will.

You're hanging on to a long gone friendship so just accept that's over and move on. The whole white knight riding in to save her from herself idea is a fantasy and best left to the professionals.

Terrible idea.

And then when the wife finds out someone’s created a fake account in her name?...

And your friend confronts the (fake) wife (ie. you) via facebook?…

And then your friend finds out you’ve created a fake account in her AP wife’s name?...

Think through who the common denominator is in all of that…

And who will end up the focus of the backlash in the end?…

Just as your friend will live by the consequences of her actions, so will you. You are only responsible for yours, not hers.

True, your friend shouldn’t be shagging about with a married man but, just tell her to her face you disagree with what she’s doing and don’t want to hear about it, then back away.

Walk away from the friendship and the situation as a whole. Don't give this more time, energy and headspace.

Thank you for input everyone. It's made me see sense. Especially as she has been on line with someone else, some fake US Army General. This woman is an adult who isn’t learning lessons and there is only so far anyone can go. It’s obviously part of her personality and though I can see the destruction I can’t do anything about it because she’s hooked on it. She’s too addicted to dysfunction. And would only stagger off to the next disaster if I did this.

So thank you everyone for helping me see sense.

@KettrickenSmiled it's so easy to be judgemental on a forum where you don't know the situation. I've got this woman into therapy but she's made no progress. I've talked to her for hours several times a week about her problems and given solutions that she ignores. I've already done all the stuff you so rudely and sanctimoniously tell me to do. I've stayed up into the middle of the night going over her low self esteem issues for over 18 months. She doesn't want to change.

Grow up, stop it and read the post above yours.

I get your frustration OP, but none of what you have done for your friend justifies (illegally!) accessing her private messages, & the batshittery about impersonating a real woman on social media to troll your friend with was ... deranged.

Glad PP have helped you to see the light on that one, & that you have decided to be grown up enough yourself to resist the incomprehensible urge to cause a shitload of melodrama & trouble.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

Why are you so desperately and unhealthily invested in her? You seem to think that somehow it's your responsibility to get her 'sorted out'. Why aren't you just recognising she doesn't want to change, and walking away?

I've decided today to do just that.

Though I've several other friends all of whom I met from age 18 onwards I think it's because of our history and link to my teenage/growing up years. I had two friends from that time, this one and another girl who died during covid. I guess my frustrations are around her not living a normal life and not partaking in a proper friendship.

Selfish reasons aside it's a worry when you see your friend stuff up her life. She's living a quasi life online populated with fakers, scammers and weirdos. Up all night listening to music and in the bath all morning having messenger sex with Buster Blood vessel. Though it's her choice it's not normal.

I'm sad, annoyed and frustrated by it and can't understand why she says she's had therapy to improve her life - her words - and self sabotages in many ways. Therapy has made her hyperfocus on childhood and being mollycoddled. This isn't helping.

But someone else said it's not my 🎪 or 🐒🐵 and I'm going to leave her to it.

How disturbing. I would be so worried if you were in my circle of friends. You are way too invested on other peoples' lives.

If you say so.

I hope your friends don't need your support for anything in future, as I am sure you wouldn't want to get "invested" (overused word on here btw). Or, if you need support, that nobody "invests" in you. God forbid.

I'm so tired of this woman asking me for help and taking absolutely zero notice. She's been doing that for over eighteen months. Telling me how she is depressed, feels worthless, has no self esteem, how can I help her. What should she do? What has she done wrong that makes these men bail on her? When I try to tell her, or suggest why, and what she should do, she does the opposite.

But, hey, that's being over-invested in other people's a friend's life, isn't it? Better stop.

Better stop

or else?

Honestly just stay out of this. Honestly what you plan to do won't actually help her you know?

I've known people like this. They are not operating on reason, so this won't be a wake up call, it will just probably make her spiral into more destructive behaviours.

She needs to sort herself out and is being a real divvy and honestly if she won't stop self-destructing she'll only bring you down.

I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who do shit like this whilst having good friends around them warning them of their actions. Sure everyone makes mistakes, but when you have someone literally trying to help you and guide you out of the madness and you still continue then it becomes something that will bring you down too.

I'd give her a wide berth to be honest and concentrate on your other, normal friends.

Have you not read the whole thread?

Sometimes this place is where you come to discuss or posit a mad idea you have that you wouldn't dare tell your mates IRL. Thanks to mainly helpful posts on here, I decided to stay well out of it - several posts up.

Thanks for the input. She can get on and destroy her own life in her own time now. Enough is enough.

Sorry? What do you mean?