Hi everyone
I would appreciate some advice, especially from the women on the site. Thank you in advance.
I am in my thirties and have been in a relationship with a fantastic girl for about seven years now. About three years ago for reasons I won't go into, but that were external to our relationship, my girlfriend developed bad anxiety.
This happened gradually and so it wasn't immediately obvious something bigger was going on. Increasingly it became worse to the extent that she couldn't sleep, was always irritable, and would cry throughout the day. I was her main support person through all of this, and many times over I urged her to get professional help but she refused or promised she would but never did.
After about year of this and following her having a breakdown, I convinced her to see her doctor who diagnosed her with depression and anxiety. She was prescribed medication but refused to take it and instead focused on improving her circumstances and resolving the external issues that had caused this in the first place (not related to our relationship). This took a very long time to resolve and ultimately ended up being a sustained three year period of depression and anxiety for her.
This affected our relationship a lot, but I was determined to stick by her and support her, because I love her and I had faith she would come through it in the end. Apart from seeing how sad she was all the time, the hardest thing for me was that our relationship lost its intimacy. Our sex life disappeared for those three years, and I estimate we had sex about six times in total over that period. Six months without having sex became normal.
Some people might find this manageable, but I found it very difficult. For me, our romantic connection had disappeared, and I was sexually frustrated all of the time. I also started to feel undesirable, unattractive, and began feeling depressed myself. I told her how I felt numerous times and she always apologised and assured me it was not a lack of attraction, just the depression and anxiety and she promised to get professional help, but still never did. I don't know why not, perhaps fear or scepticism prevented her doing this.
Well, six months ago things all changed and we turned a corner finally. Her depression and anxiety are gone and she is the happy girl that she was in our first few years together. In fact it is the best it has ever been and our romantic connection has been restored. However, I now carry extreme guilt.
During the difficult three year period, I succumbed to my sexual frustration on two occasions and had two conversations with other women that were sexual in nature. This involved sending explicit text messages, or sexting. Despite knowing this was inappropriate at the time, I think I did it because I was feeling incredibly low, hadn't had sex in a long time, felt unattractive, and in hindsight I wanted some excitement in my life. All while my girlfriend was suffering depression and anxiety which makes it worse in my mind. These conversations were over a year ago now, but I know this was wrong and I regret it immensely.
I don't know how I would ever tell her about this, but I feel like she deserves to know the type of guy I am and decide for herself whether I'm worth staying with. I would appreciate any advice offered.
Thank you