Single for the past 15 years

[Milou89]

Hi!
I met a guy recently at my local gym. Great chemistry, lot in common, around same age.....A couple of days ago I asked him, half-joking, "why a nice guy like you is single?". He said seriously that we were gona talk about it later. He then told me the next day (still very seriously ) that he is single since the age of 20, he is now 35. He never lived with his last girlfriend because he was still with his parents at 20. So, I asked two close friends of mine their opinion on this. The first one responded that I'm gona be the "one " who gona break his shell. The second one responded that he is either creepy or hiding something. So what do you think ? I like asking advices from unknown/neutral persons.

I think it's odd but then, I also know of friends who are ling term single. I was also single throughout my 20s and I am 50 now, with a partner of 20 years.

If you like him, I think you should give him a chance!

There's no way of knowing. Get to know him, and maintain healthy boundaries, just the same as you would with anybody. Don't pre-judge.

Do you have tips for dating /seducing a guy who's been single this whole time?

Give him a chance! I’ve been single for years for no sinister reason. Mainly being happy with the status quo, can’t be bothered with dating, having a great social life etc, and I also have a sick relative who takes up a lot of my time. I just don’t have the time or the mental capacity to put into looking for a relationship, I’m just not bothered enough.
You have met him in a natural way, it would be mad to rule him out based on this alone. Just see how it goes, it’s not like you need to jump straight into a relationship with him. Way better than going for someone who goes seamlessly from one relationship into the next every couple of years

Does single mean absolutely no relationships or dating or just nothing serious/long term?

I have a friend who’s been single for the same amount of time but what she means is that she just hasn’t met anyone to be in a long term relationship with. She goes on dates, sees someone a few weeks or months then it fizzles out. She’s very picky and I’m sure if she met someone who ticked all her boxes then that would change.

Maybe he’s been playing the field, maybe he hasn’t met anyone he had enough chemistry with, maybe he’s really picky.

if you don’t dive in expecting romance of the century you can maybe have some fun and see where it goes. Maybe you are the one or maybe just another non starter. Who can tell?

My BFF has been single for the best part of 15 years. There's nothing sinister about her - she's just happy with the way her life is.

What does he want now from a relationship? A family?
Or, is he still predominantly interested in being single?

Believe it or not but not everyone wants to be in a relationship... my DB (now late 50s) has never (to my knowledge- and he has no reason to lie) been in a 'serious' relationship... years ago he dated someone for a couple of months and she came to stay with us for a weekend but since then ... nothing. In my opinion he now has a wonderful life style, retired early, home by the sea, all the time in his world to enjoy his sporting hobbies, wide circle of friends .... he's never given any impression that he is lonely or wants to be in a relationship.

My dp had been single for over 10yrs. I didn't know this at first, didn't bother me when i found out.

Relationships aren’t compulsory. I’m in my 30s and honestly not in the least bit bothered about looking for one, though I’d be open to dating if I met someone in real life. I have a ton of friends, several of whom are my age and also single. I think some people are just happy as they are. Maybe your guy is the same.

I've been single pretty much all my life other than a few fireworks that ended up being nothing more than a fart. I don't know why, I'm "normal" and would make a good partner. Some people just have really shit luck. Give him a chance.

I'm 34 and have been single my whole life.

From age 11, I had a nasty skin condition. All over. I just never really got into dating.

Age 30, I finally got access to an expensive continuous medical treatment that 'fixes' my skin. But by that point I had just become accustomed to being single and and generally quite content. I'm open, but I don't go out looking; I've no need to.

Please don't judge people for being long term single like your friend does. She sounds unkind.

It could be that he defines a relationship differently from many people- half a dozen dates with someone does not count, for example. It could be that from his gym activity, he has lost weight and improved his body shape but does not want to talk about being overweight in the past. It could be that the experience when aged 20 scarred him badly emotionally in some way. Who knows?

Just if you meet outside the gym, have some boundaries to begin with.

I met a lovely guy on a walk within a local walking group, wasn't my type but loved his personality and we got on so well. He'd been a batchelor most of his life, not for the want or trying and being too picky. Went became really good friends which eventually led to romance and 3 years later we're still together - he's very normal. So my point is...give him a chance. You could just be the 'one' he's been looking for all this time 🙂