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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage, on a hamster wheel

1 reply

GlmPmum · 26/05/2022 19:53

I need to put this down somewhere. I properly fancy this young bloke I work with, definitely more lust than love if you know what I mean. Problem is hes in a committed relationship and
a lot younger than me. Sometimes the way
behaves and talks with me makes think he might be flirting and maybe he looks at me in the same way, other times I think he is just being his socially awkward self. Why on earth would someone 14 years younger than me with probably a gorgeous girlfriend even look at me twice. Why would he look at me like that, I'm old, 4 stone heavier than I should be with no time to look after my appearance anymore, have interests I can talk about with someone etc. I go to work, come home and look after the family to do it all over again. Not exactly attractive is it.

I've been with my husband 10 years and married for 6, it's a good relationship in that we rarely argue and fall out, we work well as a team and talk about our long term future together. Here's the negatives is I've never been in love with him, I do love and care for him, respect him and am so grateful he loves me and all he does for me and our family. Biggest issue for me is that passion/romance has always been barely there, my sex life is dreadful, he has no idea how to please me and takes it badly when I've tried to "teach" him. It feels like a chore to sleep with him, having to fake it kills me.

When I met him I was having a panic about turning 30, not yet met the one, not having the husband, house car and more importantly for me a family. I often feel I "settled or made do" with him because no-one wanted any of that with me, I'd had lots of short lived relationship that left me feeling shite and unworthy of anything more. Even now I have what I wanted I feel like I've put myself on a treadmill and have no idea how to get off. I'm terrified of what will happen if I do, what will I loose, what will it do to my husband and child.

I miss the 25 year old me, I was slim, attractive with lots of second glances from men who I'd enjoy the attention of. Life was so much easier then and fun! I feel so stuck in a rut.

Not sure what I am asking, just needed to write it all down. Has anyone else ever felt like this.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 26/05/2022 20:54

Stop faking it, for a start. Who does it benefit? Your whole relationship is fake, unless he knows you've never been in love with him. Did you lie about that too?

There's no wonder you're feeling crappy; you've been neglecting your own true feelings for years. You probably weren't neglecting them when you were 25, and when you started to, that's when you started to gain weight?

It's good you've posted because it means that finally that voice inside that you've been silencing is speaking up. Will you listen to her? Will you respect her?

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