I hate how small my circle is, I want more people to care

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Just that really. I'm 32, single, though not through choice but also not really looking after my last horrible relationship ended 5 years ago. I would like to have a family and am aware i'm getting older, however.

I just always have this anxiety over me, that nobody cares. I have parents, and 3 friends (who mostly I wonder if I can even say that) and that is it.
I'd love to make new friends, but not for the sake of it, I want friendships which are meaningful. I have had acquaintances and that's not what I want, as that is just as lonely to me as having no one.

I'm always anxious about losing my parents or any friends, it is in my thoughts constantly. I think I have this fear of being totally alone and no body caring.

I have already decided, after spending my childhood wanting the big white wedding, that if I ever was lucky enough to get married, it would be a very small registry office with witnesses only as i'd just be so embarrassed I could barely fit a church pew with my guests.

I don't understand, I think i'm a nice caring good person and I genuinely care about my friends and family, but I don't always feel (particularly with friends) that I ever get the same in return. Its unbalanced. I just feel like people don't warm to me no matter how friendly I try to be.

I also don't feel completely comfortable being close friends with colleagues as I feel in work I am in a professional environment and can't totally be myself.

I don't know why i'm really posting, I just wondered if anybody felt the same and/or if people were in my position and its got better.

Hi Op, I'm sorry you're feeling anxious

I'm a single mother by choice and had my son via IVF and using a sperm donation last year.

I remember feeling like I was nobody's priority too, and it was difficult as my friends (and I have a small circle too) were busy with their partners/families. I was fed up with waiting on someone for one thing or another.

I'm not sure what the answer/solution is and it will vary from person to person, but for me after a series of failed relationships I decided aged 39 to try and create my own family. Of course there have been financial sacrifices mostly but now that my son is here I feel complete in a sense that I have my own family. Of course I still miss not having a larger friendship group, and welcome people into my life whenever possible, but I'm now getting on with something quite meaningful and substantial so I feel less anxious about these other relationships which I can't control.

Hi OP. I could have written this post. I am also 32 and feel exactly the same, I’ve tried so many of the tips on here with no luck. I just want a meaningful connection with someone who cares! I would love to chat with you, if you’d like, feel free to message me I know internet friends (although I’m totally up for meeting up!) aren’t the same, but perhaps it will fill a bit of the gap

Sorry just to add that I really relate to everything you’ve written to the anxiety about losing my parents (I think about this constantly) to the unbalanced feeling in friendships. This is 100% me as well

What about volunteering somewhere? St John Ambulance go out to sporting events etc in groups and there are lots of social activities too. Or another type of volunteering in the local area?

Do you make an effort with others, though? My phone is always vibrating because I text people a lot and take an interest in their lives and maintain friendships.

But your idea of quality might not be the same as mine. I wouldn't have the time or the ability to maintain very deep, very connected friendships with loads of different people. I too have lots of friends from different circles because I've lived my life in such a way that has minimised the ability to create and maintain deep friendships (moving around a lot). I have lots of people I could meet for a drink this weekend or have a nice chat on WhatsApp with, but not many I'd trust with the keys to my flat or chat to every day about anything. I think given the choice, I'd prefer a smaller, closer friendship group.

Beamer I know your post is supposed to be kind. But actually self esteem for most of us is not the problem. Lives are busy. I had loads of friends then Covid hit and everyone retreated. Some friendships have never recovered.

OP no one’s life is perfect. I have children - love them very much but have an ex who is difficult and I have family but I’m totally estranged from them for the benefit of my own health.
So on paper I envy yours.

in your position depends on your resources and passions I would

1. join a sailing or gliding club / many have a real atmosphere and lots have a bar and social side
2. join a sports team - eg tennis club again same but different
3. travel - go on a history holiday or a photography course etc
4. see yourself as a catch / not someone who would be lucky to be married but someone would be lucky to be married to you
5. if you want a child - go for it get a donor and go don’t wait
6. if you haven’t yet got a dog - get one!
7. I can’t remember the name but it’s like 51 solution to loneliness by Jennifer Page (?)! I think - it changed my life. Most of us feel lonely - it’s normal. Even in a room full People I feel lonely - I found that book really helpful!

@Dominuse that's a very helpful post, thank you !

OP - I sympathise and have often felt just exactly the same. It's hard when you feel that you aren't top of anyone's list.

My suggestion is to accept that you will try a lot of things - they won't all be perfect and they won't all give you the close friendships you'd like. But it's only by trying that you'll move on (and maybe you'll have some fun in the process).

So if you joined 3 groups / clubs / meetups - maybe 2 out of 3 turn out not to be right for you, or don't have people in them who you feel you could get on with. But keep going and maybe in the 3rd one there's someone who you can be social/ pleasant with.

My other suggestion is just a reminder that people who look from the outside to have lots of connections, can also be lonely and disconnected. Everyone has stuff to deal with and it's not always obvious what's in their minds. You are not necessarily any worse off than someone you think of as "conncected" with a wider social circle.

Fair enough.
If that's not an issue then great - makes life easier.
The only solution then us to get out and make more friends. The more people you get to know, then the more likely you are to find people that connect with you.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare what you have with what you think other people have. Good luck!