Divorce advice - what do you wish you'd known before starting the process

[Haditnow]

husband started a job in Europe 4 years ago. At the time I told him I think this is a bad idea and me and the kids won't be moving with you but I will support you to do it for 1 year then reassess. After a year he told me move now or im divorcing you. I said I don't want divorce let's try to work it out and have counselling and we can try to think about moving temporarily. He eventually agreed to counselling but after 5 sessions refused to return to it. His behaviour is erratic, he has told our children 7 and 9 that we need to move to be with him, he can't keep travelling to see us and he won't be able to come home for their birthdays or Christmas. last year he didn't come back for their birthdays and it was very upsetting for them. He swings between : this is the end of our relationship, and let's try again for the kids, you are a wonderful mother. Rock bottom was reached at Christmas and it seemed like the end. He then u-turned, apologised and said let's try again. I thought let's try and if we can go 6 months without a divorce threat and no aggressive shouting then maybe we can stay together. His behaviour hasn't improved hugely. Picking fights, criticising me, belittling me in public etc. Last week he told me we need to start looking at schools and when are we moving? I said we're not. He left saying ok that's it over . his stance is that our marriage is over because I am leaving him and he wants to sell the house ASAP and says can't keep paying monthly amounts. We have a joint bank account for monthly expenses which we currently add equal amounts to from our income. I think he intends to fight everything possible in divorce proceedings to hurt me maximally. What do you wish you'd known or done at outset in divorce process? All advice gratefully received

I’m sure posters will be along with more advice soon. I have no experience of divorce, but it seems to me that he left you, not the other way round? He agreed to go for a year, and never came back (not permanently back, I mean). It’s unreasonable to expect you to leave your job and family, and your kids to have their schooling disrupted, simply because he wishes to work abroad. You’ve given it your best shot with counselling - he didn’t engage. I don’t know how the courts will view this, but it seems to me that you have done your best throughout. There will be more advice on here soon. Lawyer up, and good luck 😉

@Haditnow

So sorry you're currently going through this.

What was/is the position about your ability to find work in your husband's location - was that a possibility? And what were the school opportunities for your children?

He is becoming quite aggressive and manipulative which is not great - he's not treating you as an equal partner in this relationship. If you had moved it sounds like he'd have prevented you moving back again as you'd need his permission to do that with the children (assuming Hague Convention) and you'd then be stuck.

For your own sake I suggest you speak with a solicitor ASAP. If you are unable to get good recommendations of solicitors with experience take a look at the Law Society's website and speak to a few solicitors with good experience in family law and knowledge of The Hague convention also.

Good luck OP. 🌹

Thank you. Unlikely I could work there in my current profession. My children would need me alot for support as both have difficulties with new situations, new routines etc. uncertainties cause alot of anxiety for them. A significant part of the reason I don't want to go. Also the aggression, manipulation, refusal to do therapy does not bode well. Although he says he'll do therapy once we're there... Feels like an empty promise. Yes I think legal advice needed. Thanks for your advice