Apologies in advance; this is going to be long.
Also NC as it will be outing.
I have been in a relationship with a man for 9 years. We met OLD and things moved far too quickly, but at the time I was swept up in it all. I moved 150 miles and into his home within 8 weeks of meeting. I know.
The first 6 months were largely happy. A few massive issues with exes he insisted on being in touch with. My jealousy at him still wanting to involve them in his life (this was the case for years). I cut contact with my male friends because he didn't think it was appropriate. With hindsight, I should have walked away then. But I didn't.
Fast forward to now. I earn an ok income, have been with the same company for 7 years. I have paid everything, with the exception of 2 or 3 energy bills, for at least those 7 years. And I mean everything.
The house is his, bought outright with inheritance, no mortgage. No joint accounts, nothing like that. It needs doing up, it was stripped and being prepped before we met. He is a perfectionist with a high-skill level, and is doing the work himself. I respect this, I couldn't do it. He is teaching himself how to do everything, which is great. An incredibly practical man with an amazing eye for detail. However, this means most jobs take so much longer than they should, and most jobs are not done. I won't go into too much detail but it's hard living there.
We (he) has an old dog - very old, super old. A little senile and paces a lot, this winds him up as he is trying to make a go at a music career. Again, very talented and absolutely has a chance of being noticed, but no income is coming from it (yet). The DDog distracts him and stops him working. We (I) have a 2-year-old cat, we found him dumped and took him in. He dislikes the cat immensely, has caused many arguments, tears, he has sold and moved furniture to stop him from scratching it (I did not ask for this. If we had socialised the cat with the house properly when he was a kitten I don't think he would have done, but due to holes in floorboards he spent his time in a very large cage until about 7 months old, aside from when I got him out/could supervise him). The cat hunts, and eats catfood. We are vegan. This irks him. It irritates me, too, but I cannot do anything about it and I don't want to get rid of DCat. He hopes DCat moves out/disappears - during a row last week he said he hopes he gets run over.
I told him I've had enough, of being solely responsible for the finances, of him hating my cat, of him being cross. He basically turned it all into being my fault. Of course.
My emotions have vanished. Gone. His mum and mine both know, I've told them. Both tell me to save and leave, I can't save, I don't earn enough. He hasn't earned more than £2000 a year for years. He says he brings the house to the table, I bring the money.
I am miserable. I'm trying to build up the courage to tell him I'm done. I want to go home, I want to escape. I want to now worry that my cat is locked outside all day when I'm at work because he's in a bad mood (NB: He would never physically harm DCat, and feeds him if he asks, but will not call him in at meal times, etc.).
I know what I need to do - I just had to unload somewhere other than on my mum.
Thank you for reading