Hi wise mumsnetters. Any insights would be appreciated. I have a younger DSis. We have always had a love-hate relationship and fought a LOT as children. Occasionally we can get on well. But in recent years I find her more and more difficult. Very very controlling - eg I no longer stay with our parents when she is staying as she and her family take over the house, decide on mealtimes etc. All family gatherings are very tense because she has to decide EVERYTHING. I also find her very manipulative - she will be nice to be at times and I respond only to find that she wanted something from me. Once she gets it she won’t even say thank you. She would never go out of her way to help me unless there was something in it for her.
A big problem is that we live much too close to each other. Unfortunately our DC are in the same school. They get on extremely well and are very close so that is the one silver lining. However she will often do things like arrange a play date with my DC, then pull out if something better comes along but deny that the arrangement was confirmed.
I’d love to continue to detach. The big problem is that when she senses me pulling away - or if I refuse to do something she wants - she becomes very angry and uses the DC as weapons. She has said unpleasant things about me to her DC of whom I’m very fond. (The day she tries that with my DC will be a step too far and I think she knows that!)
I used to be fond of her despite our fights as children. But now I just find her pretty toxic. I just don’t know how to handle things with the DC. I would hate her to turn her DC against me and my DC would be devastated if they couldn’t see hers. So I’m stuck seeing her. But we live so close it’s hard to avoid her. I wish I had thought this through a lot earlier and moved to Australia!!!!