Lazy husband

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Hi, this is my first time posting on here but I need some advice.
My husband is driving me crazy, we have been married for 8 years but together for 17.
He has always been lazy but it's getting worse.
5 years ago he gave up his full time job and started his own business where he only works a maximum of 3 hours a day, his earning are really low and with the way the world is now its just not enough.
I work full time and I am out of the house for 10 hours a day, I have to make sure the kids are up and having breakfast before I leave because I know he won't get up.
When I get home, 9 time out of 10 the house is a mess and I have to start cleaning and help with cooking tea.
We have had countless arguments about the issues and things tend to change for a few weeks then go back to normal.
I wrote him a letter to try and explane how I was feeling because he doesn't seem to listen, this ended in a huge argument. I did tell him that if things didn't change I would have to leave because I can't cope. It's been 4 months since I wrote the letter and he hasn't tried, he won't try to get more business to help with bills and he is still doing hardly anything around the house or with the kids. I feel like my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do.

Xx

I did tell him that if things didn't change I would have to leave because I can't cope. It's been 4 months since I wrote the letter and he hasn't tried

Herein lies your problem. You're giving empty threats and he knows it so why would he change when the dynamic is so heavily weighted in his favour? If you issue an ultimatum, you have to follow through otherwise it's just words that mean nothing

Follow through on your letter. Go see a solicitor. He is contemptuous of you, your time and your needs and he won't change.

Leave the lazy sod.

Divorce him. That's no way for you to live.

Follow through now on the letter you wrote to him. There appears to be no point at all in the two of you being together.

Isn't he bored? Aren't you bored?

You could try appealing to his ego, as in say"a man without ambition is just not attractive"

But I think you need to move on.

As mentioned I would just find his lack of anything new to say, or lack of care in wanting to contribute boring.

Is he registered for tax? can you check on Companies House how much his company earns. You shouldn't have to do that though. Could you put your foot down and say,,, if your company earns less than XX a month you need to get a job.

I help him with his books each year so I know how much he earns.

You've allowed him to be a a lazy twat long enough. Don't waste the rest of your life on a man who has no respect for you. Tell him it's over.

He knows you won’t leave though, it’s empty threats. He doesn’t need to change. He doesn’t care.

Leave the lazy manchild. Seriously

I'm extremely bored, I tried the ego thing. It used to bother him that I earn more but not he doesn't seem bothered anymore.

You are living the same lifestyle as a single parent now, OP, so why not divorce him and make it official ?

I would see a solicitor and find out what your entitlements are.

When I divorced my idle, cheating, POS husband it was really stressful. But once it was all over the sense of freedom and relief was amazing. I never realised how tired and lonely I had been in the marriage.

You can have that freedom too - I'd go for it.

You told him you'd leave if he doesn't change. He hasn't. You're still there.

He doesn't need to change because he knows you'll stay.

Yup, leave. He's not going to change and you're unhappy. There is no value in remaining.

The fact is op, he us a sponge. The money and time you spend on him could be better spend on your kids and on doing something nice for yourself.

Time to go.

Speak to a solicitor and get your ducks in a row without him knowing.

So you admin his business too?

Stop thinking about how to make him change. Change, or at least challenge your own behaviour?

Currently you're money, food, cleaning & childcare provider. Why would he want to change anything?

You're living with and subsidising a misogynist. Awful for you and shit for any children to witness. Get rid and get on with your life

Ugh, what a grim lifestyle of servitude and misogyny. He openly doesn’t give a shit, and you’re still hanging around?

I know your all right, I have defo help him in being like he is, I supose I was full of empty threats but I guess I'm scared. When I've said in the past that I'd had enough he says well without you or the kids there is no point in being here. I've told him he emotionally blackmails me.
I wish things could be different, he will do anything for his family or friends and I'm always at the bottom of the pile unless he wants something.
I know things need to change, I'm not happy and that's no way to live, I just wish it was easier xx

Thing can be different. Divorce the prick. Suicide threats are a job for the emergency services.