On flirting

[EmmaH2022]

I came across this and I'm curious to know if anyone has seen it and what they make of it.

I think that flirting has a time and place - and they are both very, very rare indeed.

The idea that someone might flirt for fun - when young maybe, but surely as you get older, you realise it's got a time and place? It crosses too easily into making people feel uncomfortable, surely?

Full disclosure - I think someone is doing this to me. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to say "stop" in case the answer is "stop what?"

I can't be cold as it's work related. Just have to hope it goes away.

I can't say I have any interest in flirting with anyone unless I fancy them.

But some people, narcissists and similar, flirt in order to be flirted with. Because they need it for their ego.

And the occasional extroverted sort might be very complimentary of someone or perhaps even cheekily flirty just to make them feel good about themself, which I suppose is what this video is talking about. In my ex though, that's more likely to be from a good friend at a party or something though. Not some workplace colleague...in work...thats just inappropriate.

I'd wonder if he gets off on making you feel uncomfortable.

*in my experience

Thanks Pink, interesting observations

it's a pity as he's been working with us on and off for three years and it was a good professional relationship.

sidebar - it wouldn't occur to me to flirt with someone I don't fancy but increasingly I think some people see other people as their lab rats.

I think if someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, you can ask them to stop doing it without labelling it 'flirting'. So, if you think someone is flirting because they touch your arm, you can ask them to stop touching you. If they make comments or have a tone in their voice, you can ask them to not make that comment again (until they run out of alternative comments or get bored) or question the tone in their voice. Nobody will keep flirting for long if they are tripped over, metaphorically, at every attempt.

Watchkeys asking a client to change his tone...oof. I will have to think how to phrase that.

prob best to ignore and he'll move on?

You don't have to ask him to change. You can ask him not to make specific comments, or question the tone in his voice. You can even question it by the way you look at him. He'll understand that he's making a prat out of himself if you look at him like he's talking unintelligibly every time he uses that tone, and if you phrase it back to him devoid of any potential flirtatious meaning.

What sort of things is he saying? Definitely telling him you don't want to be touched is perfectly fine for a client. If he or your employer expects you to be happy with physical contact as part of your role, then you have bigger issues.

He doesn't touch or cross into physical space

He's not said anything wrong. it's the tone. Well, a couple of times he said "it's wonderful to see you, you're my favourite person on the team" but he probably says that to everyone when he sees them alone, and I have recently realised the guys are very fond of him too. They do constantly fist bump and shake hands etc.

I think I will go with silence.

He was perfectly normal the last three years.

There has been a noticeable change with blokes recently as I have started to make an effort with my appearance. Perhaps that's all it is.

He sounds like a friendly extrovert who compliments people to be liked. Guys that are extroverted usually act the opposite when they are genuinely flirting as if a guy is treating you like everyone else, it isn't flirting to them. I think him saying "on the team" is a professional compliment. He didn't say my favourite person in the world or my favourite woman. But I'm not trying to gaslight your perception!! This is not my intention. I'm simply saying the choice of wording still links the compliment to the work place. People do have favourites when dealing with others even in professional settings. However you heard the tone and saw his body language so you are the ultimate judge here.

I would either ignore him or use humour to deflect and brush it off.

I didn't like the video but I would agree that flirting should only be done when you are serious about it. However I know many see it as a sport and a bit of banter. I think this makes the world more confusing but the proponents would say it makes the world a less dull a place!

Thanks BigTree

I think what creeped me out about the video was that it seems like another excuse for men to start being a nuisance. I can't say I spend much time thinking about flirting but I think it's something that normally happens if you are interested in someone.

I had a meeting with him and one of his team today. I did a few hard stares and was entirely humourless. Hopefully that will be the end of it. He's sending the other guy to the next couple of meetings, yay.

I take your point that he may have no ill intent. It's a shame when a good professional relationship alters. I'm not easily inspired at work 😂 but I find him very impressive as a businessman and his work actually makes me think I can achieve more (after stepping back due to finding things too tough).

So he's not on the list of people I'd ask for career advice now, which is a shame. It was a perfectly normal professional relationship till recently.

I realise also that I might be struggling to deal with "friendly extrovert" now, as I am very introverted. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm very out of practice dealing with people generally.