Paranoid? Worried? Anxious?

[sunsetquai]

I am always worried to tell my friends things incase they use it on me at a later date - for example, I ranted about DH to my friend, and she was asking me the next day if he had any rich friends we could pair her up with (DH is good in the money department, but none of his friends are) and I thought to myself she might sabotage our relationship and get with him so she can have a rich bf.

I always worry someone will pop out the blue like an ex or something and try to sabotage me or my relationship.

I always think people are out to get me - not literally, but I can be quite hostile because I don't know people's true intentions.

I am young (21) and don't want to live like this, I am always thinking worst case scenario and stuck in survival mode.

What can I do?

Anybody might come at any time and try to sabotage any of us. The trick is to do with building your self confidence so that a) you spot unpleasant types quickly, and shut them out of your life, and b) if someone does something hurtful, you know you've got your own back, so you'll be able to recover and be fine.

What sort of sabotage do you fear?

@Watchkeys For me personally, it's sabotaging my relationship or cancel culture. Cancel culture is so rife these days, and for example I can't remember what I've said on a text/dm/private message 10 years ago.

Nobody has ever sabotaged me, and I've never heard of it happening to anyone I know, but my brain just can't quite grasp that!

OK so possibility 1:
You've had a lot of those sort around you in the past and it's made you paranoid.

Possibility 2: you are the sort of person who would do these things and so, assume everyone is like you.

Possibility 3: you have a gut instinct about people that isn't paranoia but is in fact, true. You may even be caught in a cycle of attracting toxic people onto your life in friendship or relationship roles and are learning to spot the patterns.

Either way, be more careful what you share with this person in future. I wouldn't trust anyone that asked me to set them up with someone 'rich'. That's a gold digger right there. And they generally are fake and untrustworthy.

But if you choose your people wisely, you can't get cancelled and your relationship can't get sabotaged, because the people you are close to will be trustworthy, and won't be swayed by whatever anyone says.

Are you aware of how to safely choose people who are good for you, and identify the ones to leave behind? Do you have confidence in your process?

Also, I hope you don't mind me saying op but 21 is very young to be married. I dunno, maybe it's a cultural thing or you found yourself preggers so rushed into it.

But I would wonder if all is OK with hubby and it isn't a case of him being a lot older, marrying young and impressionable girl who maybe has a history of abuse or not so nice people in her life.

And now you're feeling stuck in this heightened state of adrenaline because you've got a bunch of people in close proximity to you who do not make you feel safe or secure... because they want you to be on edge. And you're just so used to having these vipers in your life that you have to be constantly paranoid. Because they are always up to something.

Of course your hubby could be lovely. Its just that the way you talk about him...you dont seem to trust him much. That could be the paranoia. Or it could be that he is in fact, not trustworthy.

@Pinkbonbon DH is just about same age as me, few months difference. Nothing like that here, but I know why you'd think that and it's always good to check! I'm not worried about hubby and I don't think that of him.. it's me thinking people will pop our bubble by sabotaging which is more my point, externally. I couldn't ask for a better partner, but this overthinking and worrying is making me becoming distant and grumpy in our relationship.

Thats good that he is a supportive fella. Maybe worth a chat with your gp about anxiety?

I'd still trust your gut about that mate though.

@Pinkbonbon yeah I will, I don't think it's that serious. I seem to find an issue with everyone I talk to, and get what I call a "vulnerability hangover".