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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How Would You Handle This?

8 replies

Brown009 · 24/05/2022 15:46

I rented out my room for an few months the contracted ended last week, however, the person approached me if she could sleep on my sofa for few days. It's not something that I wanted but as the new person was arriving two days late I agreed. I was embarrassed to be honest, she does not seems to have any awareness, everything is about her and her needs and no regards for other people.

Somehow, she has fallen in love with a man renting another room. When I tried to raise my concerns, he became defensive saying that she will go as soon as she get what she is waiting for. She offered to pay, I rejected this as I wanted her to leave after weeks of bending backward to her demands. I work from home and like to keep a routine, I am unable to keep my routine as the man is now sleeping on the sofa and she is sleeping in his room. She is very happy with this arrangement because she is still around him.

They have been playing house for weeks, she would make sure that she cook for him every night, followed by long conversations into the early hours in the morning. So most of the time, I am upstairs in my own home! She does not like him talking to me, very jealous, she will hoovers around for ages if she see us talking. I feel uncomfortable. This morning I told him again that she have to leave as I am not able to keep to my routine, as he is sleeping on the sofa and it's a open plan kitchen with lounge and having to wait till he is up for me to go downstairs.

He got defensive again and I told him that she was not here for me as she hardly talk to me. She will mop around all day waiting for him to get back from work and then cook and they eat together.

He waited for her this morning but she goes to bed late and get up late. She seems to be oblivious as long as she is around him. I think he must have texted her as she has packed up her things and not a word to me.

I cannot wait for her to leave!! Any advice?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 24/05/2022 15:57

Well if she's packing and leaving, job done but I would say in future, be more business like and don't fall for a hard luck story. If someone is leaving as their tenancy is up, they need to leave, not sleep on your sofa!!

Also, never let your lodgers make YOU feel like a lodger in your own home

Brown009 · 24/05/2022 16:04

@Justcallmebebes, thank you so much. Lessons learnt

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 24/05/2022 18:56

Tell her she has to go tomorrow. If the man gets arsenal, get rid of him too. Is he going to have her round all the time anyway? Awkward!

Brown009 · 24/05/2022 19:32

@Cherrysoup, it's uncomfortable and he seems to be oblivious to her behavior as well. I went downstairs and they were having dinner together, she had the audacity to tell me, "I am leaving soon.." She is trying to guilt trip me with her boyfriend sitting there. I told her straight how I bent over backwards to facilitate her demands. I am glad that she is leaving tonight, but not sure why she should cook for her boyfriend before she leaves.

She is so entitled, lacks self awareness, has zero empathy, no humility or compassion and believes that the world revolves around her.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 24/05/2022 20:13

OP,

I think you are too vulnerable to be having lodgers in your home.

They have both walked all over you in your own home.

Her cooking in your home is ridiculous.

I think you should give him notice too and perhaps work on your boundaries before you do this again.

A list of clear rules would be a start.

Being to nice has allowed you to be used.

Brown009 · 25/05/2022 09:48

@billy1966, She left last night. He is either sulking or embarrassed by the whole situation. He usually says hello in the morning, this morning, he woke up late and just left the house. I guess that he will be leaving soon as well.

Thank you for the advice.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 25/05/2022 10:32

Well good riddance to him.

Ask him if he has a problem tonight.
If he gives you any bullshit, tell him I take you are giving me notice and will be leaving asap.

Do not be bullied or treated rudely in YOUR home.

Don't ever hesitate to ring the police if you think he may be turning unpleasant.

You HAVE been taken advantage of.

Please be careful.
A clear firm list of rules is a must BEFORE lodgers come into your home.

ElenaSt · 25/05/2022 10:38

Get him out as well.

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